I'll hold you close

Chapter 3

Levi's van had arrived later in the day so he just had to get through free time and then lights out for today. He stayed staring at the wall the entire time. Nicky read above him, staying alert to any noise below her.

Lights went out and still Nicky stayed awake. Everyone cried on their first day without fail so she knew it was coming.

As soon as she had the thought there it was, as if she had willed it into existence. She heard the muffled sob from below her and her heart sank all over again. She imagined his freckled face pressed into his pillow, hoping nobody could hear. She wondered if she should comfort him. She had only just met him, so she wondered if it would be out of line, but she didn't want to leave him alone down there, and she definitely didn't want to keep listening to his heartbreaking sobs.

She waited until she was sure the other inmates were asleep, and until she was sure the guards had done their final rounds and then, against her better judgement, she climbed out of her bunk and crouched beside Levi. When he heard her get up, his sobs ceased immediately.

"Hey kid, how're you holding up?" she asked.

He turned to face her, and looked up at her with watery eyes. His face was red, eyes puffy from having been crying for at least the past hour.

"I'm okay" he whispered shakily.

Nicky sighed. "No you're not".

Levi just looked up at her for a moment, eyes still welling up with tears. She didn't know how a grown man could look so scared. She motioned for him to sit up and she joined him on his bunk.

Nicky reached forward before she could think about what she was doing, and wiped a tear from his cheek with her thumb.

"Ah, sorry". She said when she realised what she did. She'd just met him and she didn't want to cross any boundaries.

Wordlessly, Levi wrapped his arms around her, and pressed his face against her.

Nicky tensed from the unexpected touch, but then softened, placing one hand on the back of his head, holding him against her, and the other wrapped around his waist. She pulled his shivering form in closer, his legs crossing over hers. He wasn't an overly small guy, but she pulled him in like he weighed nothing. They stayed that way for awhile, small sobs still tearing through him, as he breathed in the smell of stale cigarettes.

Nicky reminded herself that he was just feeling vulnerable, and he probably would have done this to anyone. She was just the one who was there, and she knew very well how much you could crave any ounce of comfort in a place like this. but still, she was glad he felt comfortable with her. She felt hot tears landing on her skin, as his face remained pressed into her chest, the tank top she wore, leaving her skin exposed so that she clearly felt every tear leave his eyes and land on her. They didn't move until his sobs subsided and his breathing was under control.

He was quiet for a moment, relishing the warmth he felt from being in someone's arms, then he finally pulled away and seemed to realise what he had done.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that." he said, not meeting her eyes.

"Hey no worries, the first day is always hard. I can't even imagine how it is for you." she replied.

"I'm in hell". His voice shook as he said this.

"You're doing really well, I know it doesn't feel like it".

"Thank you".

Nicky stood, and Levi watched her, feeling a vague sense of panic from not having her next to him anymore. He scolded himself in his head, knowing this sort of attachment wasn't healthy. Nonetheless, when she crouched next to him again, he felt a sense of relief.

"I can't stay down here or I might get in trouble but I'll be right above you if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask okay?"

Levi gave her a small, sad smile and nodded.

Nicky climbed back into her bunk. She didn't hear him cry for the rest of the night.