His Sunshine

Remembrance

      I never really got along with my sister, well, I think the more accurate way to put it is that I never got the chance. I used to try when I was younger but at around seven or eight, I just stopped trying. I got tired in being the only one attempting to have a good relationship. Instead, I got used to doing things by myself and taking care of myself.

      I can't blame Bella; she was busy taking care of our mother. And that's not okay but the thing is, I would try to help, after all I'm only a year younger than Bella. But any time I attempted to Bella would get upset with me. She'd claim I was doing it wrong or messing everything up. I never understood why because I would be doing the exact same thing as her. It wasn't until my tenth birthday that I realized what the truth was. I had been so excited to turn ten, I was finally reaching double digits. I know it's not really important but at the time it meant a lot to me. Bella would be getting a trip to the amusement park because her birthday comes after mine in September while mine is August 18.

       Anyway, that was the plan for Bella's birthday, and she wouldn't stop talking about it as she was excited to turn eleven. Not a big deal except that I couldn't get a word in about what we were doing for my birthday. Which I thought was silly since mine was before Bella's. I didn't push and only asked about it when Bella wasn't around. My mom, Renee, promised that we could spend the day at the fair. It would be set up the same week as my birthday, and I was incredibly excited. We didn't have a lot of money so I had been working to save up since the beginning of that year so I could help with my birthday event.

     I didn't have like an actual job, but I sold lemonade to the people in my neighborhood and did little chores here and there for the neighbors. My dad also sent me twenty dollars because I asked him for that instead of a present so I could ride every ride and play all the games. In exchange, Dad wanted me to send him as many pictures as I could possibly take. My mom actually told me that she was proud of me for working so hard for what I want. Mind you, that is the only time she has ever said that to me.

       The day of my birthday came, and I was over the moon to be going to the fair. Bella had been taking ballet classes, which she hated but Renee really wanted her to stick to it. Which is why when Bella said she had a dance recital the same day, that night in fact, Renee decided that was more important than celebrating my birthday since, as she put it, birthdays come around every year and your sister might not have another recital. I was angry and hurt, I couldn't believe some stupid recital was more important than me. If I think about it today, I realize that I may have overreacted with the mean things I said, such as how horrible a dancer she is and how I hope she ends up breaking both her ankles, but I still feel hurt, even today.

      It wasn't so much as I didn't get to go to the fair, although that didn't help me feel better, it was more that we weren't doing anything at all to celebrate. A day that is supposed to be the only day all year that is entirely about me and suddenly it had become all about Bella. I was sent to my room for the rest of the night for what I said about Bella and when they came home, I was ready to apologize to Bella even though I was still hurt. That is, until I heard my mom consoling her because apparently Bella didn't even have to dance, she wasn't even an understudy. Mom thought Bella made a mistake, but I knew Bella wasn't as scatterbrained as that. She would have known, mostly because of how much she hates dancing and would be dreading the day. The next day when Bella and I were home from the school I asked her about it, well, more like confronted her.

       And she didn't even deny it, all she said was 'yeah, I lied so what.' I was in shock until the anger and hurt took over. I started asking why she would lie. All she bothered to say was that I was trying to take mom's attention like I always do. I had no clue what she meant which must have shown on my face because she got really mad. Bella started yelling at me and saying that whenever she did something for mom I always had to butt in and try to take away the attention from her. Bella said that I was trying to be better than her and make her look bad by saving up money for my birthday when I knew an amusement park cost more but she wasn't saving up for it. Bella went on and on about how selfish I was and how I was always trying to take mom away from her.