The Risks we take

Nineteen

Sloane

"I need a date to a wedding at the end of April."
"Are you asking me to be your date baby?"

I had to take a date. Logan and Paige are away on 'work'. Drew was going across the country for 2 weeks to look after her mother after an operation and I didn't know the other girls enough to ask them to come as a friend. Zac was my only option other than turning up to a huge wedding where everyone is talking about guest lists. The Carmichaels are the only huge competition that dad isn't super great friends with. Getting an invite to Peter and Elizabeth's wedding was an honour. It meant I'd done something right. They trusted me, believed I needed to be there.

After a solid month of mine and Zac's arrangement, this was the last thing either of us needed. But he was beyond attractive in his suit and girls were looking over here as we sat beside each other talking about the most random of things. Lego blocks were on the agenda today. Following our night a few days ago building stuff on my living room floor when I had an anxiety attack and we couldn't go out. I didn't tell him that was the reason. I'd said I had the start of a migraine and didn't want to go out.

He was fun. I didn't mind spending time with him. It was a nice waste of time. Kept my mind occupied from other things.

Like the one still staring at me from across the room even though his date has been talking for a solid 40 minutes with a plastic smile on her face.

She's pretty. I'd give him that. Brunette. Looks about my age. Maybe a little younger. In a printed yellow dress that kind of washes her out. But she's pulling at his matching tie and it's the first time I've seen him wear something that isn't black or white. He hates it. It'd been 6 weeks since our night together and I could still feel him all over me.

I was being haunted again and even with an increased dosage from my doctors, nothing was numbing it this time. Last time I had alcohol and a whole ocean between us and my parents and Eden. Now I see him everywhere. Coffee shops, the big conference last week in Brooklyn, supermarket, theatre, here. It was making it so hard to move on and just forget about it all. 8 months. I have just under 8 months until I can go home and leave all of this here. Keep my trips back short and quiet and I bet I'd never have to see him again.

"I'm gonna go pee and then we can leave." I pulled my hand out of Zac's. "Don't be flirting with anyone whilst I'm gone please."

"I'm here with you Sloane. No one else matters." I gave him a soft smile before standing up and walking to the bathroom across the hall. Counting down the seconds until Reed found an excuse to follow me. I'd had enough of his judgmental looks. Staring at Zac like a pile of shit. Work had been an utter shit show this week with machinery break downs, lost parts and messed up orders and I was overdue painkillers for the migraine I'd been fighting for almost a month.

"I don't trust him." He closed the door quietly behind him to the disabled toilet. The only place we'd get any privacy in this place though now, I was second guessing it. "At all."

"You don't even know him."

"You do?"

"Better than you do." I narrowed my eyes. "Besides. Who are you to judge with little miss sunshine out there? She doesn't look like your usual type. Not enough cleavage hanging out."

"She was the only available option."

"Lucky her." I took a deep breathe, laying my back against the ice cold wall. "This is exhausting." A breath left his nose followed by a slight grunt as he sunk to the floor, crossing his legs. "Why are you everywhere I go?"

"Just happen to be there."

He sat on the floor like a school kid, fingers tracing the patterns on his socks. Black. Obviously. With a floral pattern a single shade darker. Discreetly delicate.

I studied him for what felt like forever. Sat in a silence that felt weirdly comfortable. It wasn't heavy, I didn't feel angry anymore. I'd never seen Reed show any emotion that wasn't anger or lust. Like the dial flipped between those 2 and those 2 alone. But this. What he was showing now, it wasn't either. He wouldn't look at me, he sat in silence, his eyes were a little darker too. The usual sky blue, more deep sea than I'd ever seen them.

"I'm sorry." They met me. Finally. And the slight crack in his voice made my heart break further. "If this is how you've been feeling all these years-" He seemed breathless. Unable to put the words together that he was looking for. "I can't-"

"Are you okay?" He looked up, laughed quietly and I sat down opposite him. That's a no then.

"You promised me someone would do it. Some girl would come along and leave me and it would hurt like I hurt you. You didn't say it would happen. You promised it would and somehow I am still shocked that you were right." I blinked at him. Someone had broken his heart? I didn't think it was possible for Reed. He didn't have a heart. "Does it ever stop?"

"Not really." I ran my hands down the skirt of my dress, flattening it out before it creased up. "Not in my experiences anyway. You just kind of get used to living with it."

"Do you get another chance? Like you and Zac?"

"At love?" He nodded. "It doesn't exist."

"Then why does it fucking hurt?"

"I think it's grief. Loosing something you really wanted close to you. Or breaking of trust. That hurts too."

"You didn't break my trust Sloane." What? "You're boyfriends waiting for you. You should go." I stared at him. "Sloane?"

"Oh. Yeah." I nodded, pulling myself to my feet. Time for mediocre sex. How could I forget?

"Sloane?"

"Hm?" I turned my head to him, handle of the door half way down.

"If you ever need me. Advice or help or just someone to talk to or dinner. Please call. Whenever, wherever. I'll be there." I pressed my lips together, giving him a small nod before getting out of there.

'You didn't break my trust Sloane'. What did that even mean?