The Risks we take

Twelve

Sloane

I tapped my blunt, watching the ash float down towards the streets below a few inches before being carried off in a spring breeze. 23 stories up and I didn't feel like I was far enough out of it all. This was better than being sat on Reed's bed though. I climbed out the bedroom window not even 30 minutes after he'd left me in there. I'd silently unlocked it before I left, not wanting him to break it down when I didn't answer his expectant knocks in the morning.

I haven't taken a cab in New York yet. I'd not needed one. But I couldn't stay there. My meds were here and I needed my emergency -medical- drug dosage more than ever.

It was 7am GMT when everything happened. I'd text mum and dad and they text an hour ago to say they were on a plane, despite my reassuring them I was okay. Drew was fine. I'd called her in the cab. Spoken to all 3 of them. I was the only one who seemed to be having a panic attack about this. It hit too close to home.

They were just used to it I guess. It's normal for them. My parents wouldn't even go clay pigeon shooting. I'd never heard a gunshot. But I knew exactly what that sound was without hesitation. And yet, I froze. The door slammed open and I just stood there, an easy target, worrying about my friends and wanting to go back to them like some chaotic nut job. I let Reed pull me out of there. Let him run me around corners. I had no idea where we were before, let alone after he pulled us down blurring corners and stinking alleyways with guns still firing in the background and screaming. So much screaming.

I sat on him. Let him hold me. Let him carry me into his car and drive away. Without even giving it all a second thought. Was it because he was just someone I recognized or because I trusted him to get me out of there alive? Because I didn't trust him. I don't trust him. I don't trust him not to leave me in the middle of nowhere to be shot. I don't trust him to not be weaselling his way into a friendship with me just so it's easier to try and swipe Rise from under my nose. I don't trust him to keep showing up where I am and not try to do something.

I don't trust him.

But when the line was drawn. Apparently, I did.

"Sloane?" I turned my head, shooting Logan a half smile as he stepped out onto the balcony.

"I thought you were with Paige tonight."

"Drew text me. It took a good 20 minutes on the phone with her for me to get it together though. She doesn't make much sense drunk."

"She wasn't even that drunk." I held the smoke out for him, letting him take a long drag before handing me it back. "I only went to the loo. Next thing I knew there was the shots and Reed burst into the door, said they were fine and he was pulling me through a long corridor like he knew where we were going."

"Reed was there?"

"Theo had text him apparently. I'm supposed to be in his spare room right now."

"What?"

"I climbed out the window when I heard him snoring next door. Didn't take long."

"Sloane-"

"He cares about me apparently. Would love me if love exists. What does that even mean? 'If love wasn't for fairytales and movies.' he'd make sure it was me." I laughed, peering over the ledge. "How fucked up is that? If love exists, which it does, by the way. Love does exist. My parents love me, they love each other. You love Paige, Paige loves you, Eden loves Tom, Tom loves Carys, Drew loves James. Hannah loves that bartender over on 5th. Sabrina loves herself. Everyone loves someone except me."

"Sloane. That's not true."

"I'm not talking about friendly or parental love." I swallowed, pressing the stub into my ashtray and turning to him. "I can give you a list of people I've loved. I'd be stood here for hours telling you the stories behind each guy I've fallen for. Yours included Logan. But not a single one of them have reciprocated, for even a second. I'm nearly 26. I should have experienced love from both sides by now. I should have had it at least twice. But my heartbreaks, don't outweigh the love by a few, they're in their dozens Logan. I've dated more men than my age. And that's just the ones that were 3 dates or more. Guys I brought home to my parents and took to events. Guys I saw futures with. I'm done with it. Because I too, believe it's all utter bullshit. UTTER. BULLSHIT."

"Sloane." Logan slapped a hand over my mouth scowling at me and pulling me back into the apartment. "Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No, it fucks with my meds."

"What meds?"

"The medication I take."

"Well, I didn't think it was medication you're giving a fish Sloane." He sighed, pulling me down onto the sofa. "You need to sleep the high off. You'll be fine in the morning."

"My parents will be here in like 6 hours." I laid my head back, staring at the astronomically high ceilings. "And I'll have to tell them everything's fine, hide my stash of weed, tell them I am not losing my fucking mind. It's going to be fucking fantastic." He sighed, collapsing down beside me and pulling me into his chest. "I miss home Logan. It was easy back there. I had my routine and Eden and I didn't have Reed running around everywhere. Showing up at bars, texting me with offers I don't want to refuse but I'm trying to keep my brain stable because I know for a fact he's a slippery slope. And then all of a sudden I'm having to process him saving me from a shooting? Like?" I laughed, because this whole thing was unbelievable. "He was a knight in shining armour tonight and he's talking about fairytale loves not being wrong whilst I'm wearing his suit jacket I don't even remember asking him for. He's fucking with my head. Holding back from him is fucking with me and I don't want to know the damage being with him again would do so it's not even an option. It's not fair. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore." My phone lit up on the table and I reached over.

Reed Lawson @ The Echo- Are you awake? Is your window open? It's freezing up here.
Reed Lawson @ The Echo- Sloane?
Reed Lawson @ The Echo- I'm coming in.
Reed Lawson @ The Echo- Where are you?
Reed Lawson @ The Echo- 12 missed calls
Reed Lawson @ The Echo- Sloane. Please answer, I'm really worried.

Reed Lawson @ The Echo

05:49am
Are you awake? Is your window open? It's freezing up here.

06:12am
Sloane?

06:14am
I'm coming in.
Where are you?

(12) missed calls

07:09am
Sloane. Please answer, I'm really worried.

I'm at mine. My parents are flying over.
Please leave me alone.