The Risks we take

Eighteen

Reed

3 weeks. 3 weeks of her being too busy for me to book any of her time. 3 weeks of no answering my calls or my texts or my fucking emails. Every fucking time I make some headway with Sloane she recoils like a spring and disappears.

Except this time, she hadn't disappeared. She wasn't hiding. No. She was sat in this very restaurant with some guys arm drooped over her, his lips trailing up her bare neck as she put her credit card on the tray and handed it to the waitress.

It was purely coincidental that I was here. I'd decided to put my skills to good use and was now helping businesses with acquisitions. Using contacts, I'd spent years building with my dad to push myself forward in the world. I wasn't making as much as I did back there but it wasn't far off and I was dipping into savings or living out of my means. It was just a minor change really. I had more time on my hands since I wasn't doing 3 people's jobs at once and fielding useless calls from my dad and I had still managed to maintain my invites to events by some ridiculous pleading about making connections and being able to provide needed advice to people.

Dad was sticking to his word about making it near impossible for me to work in papers again. But I wasn't going to take Sloane's offers. If I worked for her, I couldn't have her. And I needed her. It really was that simple.

I was trying to pay attention to Elaine whilst she was rambling on about tax free loans but Sloane was sat right in my eyeline and it was more than a little distracting. An oversized black button down tucked into a tight little gold mini skirt. Her hair looked a little longer, softer. But that smile. The one on her face. It wasn't hers. I hadn't seen Sloane smile properly. Not since she came back. Not even with me.

The only conversations I'd had with Sloane had been her ranting, angry or smirking at some devious plan or underhanded insult. I wanted to see her smile again. Properly smile. Laugh. I love when she smiles. It crinkles by her eyes and they shine like a full moon in summer. She has a dimple too. Just one. On her left cheek. Its adorable.

"Mr Lawson?" I blinked, looking back at Elaine. "Am I boring you?"

"No. Not at all." I shook my head quickly, sitting up and pulling on my suit jacket. "I'm sorry, please excuse me a moment." I stood up from my chair, tucking it under the table and taking quick steps to catch up to her as she wondered towards the toilets, shuffling around in her bag. Her perfume left a trail behind her. Peaches and vanilla. Always peaches and vanilla. Sweet and expensive. "Can't avoid me forever Princess." She dropped her bag to the floor, muttering a few choice curses at me as she gathered the collection of things and pushed them back in and turned to me in the small corridor.

"I am not avoiding you Mr. Lawson." I raised an eyebrow at her, looking both ways before pushing her hips against the wall. "Get off me."

"Why's the surname back?" She stared. "Who's the guy?"

"One question."

"The guy."

"Zac." She huffed, pressing a hand into my chest and pushing to get me off her. "Let me go." 

"Why are you out with him?"

"Because I'm on a date? I'm going to give you to the count of 3 before I scream this place down and have you arrested for assault."

"Is he who you've been ignoring me for? I sure hope he's good enough but by the looks of your credit card being on that plate back there, I can assure you he isn't."

"1."

"Does he make you shake like I do?"

"2." I stared at her, waited until her mouth opened to speak again and kissed her. "You-" She shoved, hard enough to throw me into the wall across from her. "You're- you're psychotic!"

"You kissed me back."

"Barely!"

"Give me ten minutes and I'll be finished and we can leave."

"I'm not leaving with you. When will you get this through your thick head Reed? We- are nothing. We had a one night stand and a fling, years ago. You saved my life, I'll give you that much. You helped with the information and those things even us out for everything you've done. But whatever you think is going on here- it's not." My heart dropped out of my chest, fell to the floor and flopped around like a fish out of water. I didn't even know it could do that. "I don't want you Reed. I don't want you here. I don't want you near me. I don't want to see you or speak to you. Because even looking at you still fucking hurts. I don't think you understand how deep the damage you did to me goes. One thing I can tell you is you're right, it doesn't exist. I'm not living in some fairytale now. So, I guess, thanks for that."

"Slo-"

"Just - leave me alone." She walked back out the door before I could stop her, shaking her hair back and grinning as she reached him, walking out the front door with only a quick glance back over her shoulder at me.

I returned to the table with Elaine, apologized for leaving and let her go on about the 2 purchases I'd put to her but my mind was in the back of a cab with a girl I'd fucked up so badly with she didn't even want to shout or scream at me.

It hit me then.

That I hadn't just hurt Sloane. I hadn't just broken her trust in me. I hadn't ruined her for other guys like I told her I would. I'd broken her. I'd taken a girl who I knew nothing about, shattered her and left her on a sidewalk.

And I watched her walk out of this restaurant and it hurt me. I felt like something inside of me was cracking and shattering at her words and it hurts. Physically hurts. Not an ache or a shooting pain. I can't explain it. It's intense but dull and right in the middle of my chest where my heart should be but I left that on the floor back there, laying limp and lifeless.

She'd promised.

That this would happen.

A girl would leave me and it would make me feel how she felt when I left her and she promised I'd regret it.

If I regretted leaving her before, this was on a whole other level.

If this is what she's been feeling for the past 5 years, I got it. I got the attitude and the avoidance and the whole wanting me dead thing. I want me dead too.