Within These Walls

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

"I don't care if you hate me. I don't care if me doing this makes you hate me. You—you're my brother. I can't find you like that. I won't." Sam's final words came out as a whisper, and Louis could feel the back of his throat burn as he swallowed the lump in it.

Louis continued to stay silent, feeling his body heave as Sam's did with each breath. Neither boy knew what this moment meant for the friendship. Though, Louis did know he didn't hate Sam. He knew he could never hate Sam.

But that was it. Everything else was a blur to him.

Turning away from Sam and wiping his eyes, Louis walked toward his nightstand and grabbed his glasses, putting them on.

"Louis," Sam said softly behind him, and Louis could tell Sam's anger had subsided, being replaced by a much more sombre emotion.

He could say the same about his own anger. It was nowhere to be found. All of it had spilled out and flooded the room they stood in, staining every inch of it.

"I'm going for a walk," Louis muttered, turning on his heel and walking to the door, moving past Sam.

"What about dinner?"

"Not hungry."

"You need to eat," Sam said, following Louis down the hall and down the stairs.

"I will later."

As Louis reached the bottom of the stairs, he caught a glimpse of the rest of Sam's family standing silently in the kitchen. Both his parents and sister were all looking his way while Jay tugged at his sister's shirt saying something inaudible.

Ignoring them and feeling a tinge of guilt ripple through him before settling in his stomach, Louis walked to the front door and pulled it open, feeling the cool night breeze whip around his face.

"Where are you going to go?" Sam asked, continuing to follow Louis as he stepped over the threshold and began walking down the driveway.

"I don't know."

"When will you be back?"

"I don't know."

As Louis reached the end of the driveway and looked down the dark road only illuminated by the few street lamps that littered it, he stopped and took a deep breath.

"You are coming back, right?" Sam questioned, and Louis turned to look at him.

"I'm scared," Louis said quietly, his voice cracking as he did so. "I took Isaac to see my parent's graves after the Monica's funeral. I thought I was doing better. Then he went home. And I closed my eyes and went to sleep. You know what I dreamed?"

Sam shook his head at Louis question.

"I was back at the graveyard. Alone. But there were more graves. Isaac's. Kara's. Sarah's." Louis paused for a moment, looking down at his feet before speaking again. "Yours. It's so stupid to be scared of losing everyone I care about, but that's what it feels like is going to happen. It's what I dream about when I sleep. I dream I'm back in that apartment on that night, but every time I walk out into that room it's a different person. And every time... it's my fault."

"Louis," Sam muttered for what seemed like the tenth time that night, but Louis shook his head to stop him from saying more.

"I'm so scared." As Louis spoke, the words were accompanied by a small chuckle which he caught in mid-air with a shaky inhale.

Without saying another word, Sam walked forward and wrapped his arms around Louis and held him tight as though gravity itself would start pulling him away.

"I got you," he muttered into Louis' ear, and Louis let himself be held, feeling his sadness roll down his cheeks and onto Sam's jumper.

Louis' arms remained limp beside him, lacking the strength to embrace Sam, though Sam was compensating for the both of them. As the two boys stood there in the early night air, Louis felt a temporary reprieve from the onslaught of his own mind.

A relief. However small it may have been, it was something.

Eventually, Sam let his arms fall away from Louis and stepped back, letting his eyes wander Louis face, trying his best to get a read on him.

Louis, once again, found himself swallowing a lump in his throat as he brought his own eyes up from the ground to meet Sam's.

"I'm not gonna hate you," Louis muttered, letting his hands fold over each other. "I don't know how to do this."

"Yelling seems to work," Sam said with a chuckle, and Louis rolled his eyes before feeling a small grin tug at his own lips. "So, if that's what you need to do to open up, then go for it. If that's how you get through this, then I'll be there."

Louis shook his head at Sam's words and looked behind Sam toward his house—toward the family that had taken him in when he needed it the most. It was more than Louis thought he deserved.

"What did I do to get a friend like you, huh?"

"From memory, you were getting bullied," Sam recalled causing Louis to nod his head in agreement.

"Ah, yeah. You've always been there."

"Always will be."

The two boys stared at each other for a second before Sam took in a deep breath and looked down the street behind Louis.

"You, uh, still going on that walk?"

Louis turned to followed Sam's eye-line and scanned the darkened street, seeing a few cats streak across in and into the bushes on the side of the road.

"Yeah," he slowly said, turning to face Sam again. "Gotta clear my head."

"Okay." Sam nodded slowly, keeping his eyes trained down the street. "Louis..."

Sam's attention flicked back to Louis and for a moment the two boy's eyes wandered in each other's and although no words were spoken, the both of them knew what was going to be said.

There was an understanding between them. And as Louis turned away from Sam and began walking down the footpath away from him, he felt something coil itself around his stomach and settle there.

A sliver of hope and a love toward Sam he would only have for a brother.

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A/N: Slightly shorter chapter, but you've had a few long ones, so let's just appreciate me for a second. Please.

You can do that by voting and commenting and sharing this story :)

Question:

Do you think what happened between Louis and Sam is going to help or harm their relationship?