Dare to Say

Chapter 5 - Hospital

When I was about 13, I remember coming home one day from school. I had taken my time walking home, Sally, a friend of mine and I had stropping in at the corner shop on the way home and then chattered a bit at the corner where she turned off for her house, so that by the time I arrived home both Greg and Paul where already there.

Greg looked very worried. He had grown so much over the last few years and at 15 and a half he was man. He stood tall and wide shouldered in the hallway, 'Finally' I remembered him saying, 'You took so long, we're all waiting for you.'

I had looked behind him then and had seen my younger brother putting his coat on and my father coming out of the kitchen.

Apparently my mother had fainted during the morning, thankfully she had had a friend with her who had taken her to the local emergency unit at the hospital. They had admitted her for checks and had called dad to tell him she was going to be there overnight. Dad had come home to collect us and we were all going to visit mum to see what was wrong.

In the car we were all worried and no-one really spoke to anyone. When we arrived at the hospital we were asked to wait in the waiting room as the doctors were with mum.

I remember sitting down next to my father. He seemed so worried. I wanted to hold his hand, to tell him everything was OK, but he felt like a stranger to me. It wasn't that I didn't love him, or respect him. I did. It was just that I had never really spoken to him. Every time I had wanted to share something with him, my mother had always told me not to bother him. Told me that he wouldn't be interested or that he was too busy or stressed. The result was that now he needed us were weren't really there for him. Physically we were there, but not emotionally. I could see from the way Greg was pacing and Paul was hunched over in the corner chair that the feelings I had ran through the whole family.

I vowed that when my mother left hospital I would ask her why she had brought us up like this. Why had she taught us to alienate our father from us emotionally. Was this normal? I used to think it was, but the more time I spent with my friends and their families, I could see that wasn't normal. So why? Why had she taught us to stay away and why had we accepted it so readily?