Dare to Say

Chapter 10 - Understanding

I remember the weekend visit didn't quite go as planned.  No questions could be asked because we hardly spent any time with mum and dad was rather worried.

Things continued for the six months that mum stayed at the clinic.  Then finally one spring afternoon when we arrived back from school mum was sitting down at the kitchen table having a coffee.  Strangely dad was sitting there opposite her.  When we arrived we were asked to join them.

We all sat down, everyone was silent.  It was very awkward. 

Finally mum broke the silence.

She apologised to everyone for taking the tablets.  She spoke in a very even and peaceful voice. She didn't seem tired or angry at all.  She explained that she had been through counselling and had come to terms with many things that had gone on in her past life which had affected her and had made her react the way she had.

We sat very still and listened intently.  She went on to explain that her own childhood had been far from happy.  That her mother and father had not been very happy together and she had been brought up in a family of constant arguing.  She had left her home as soon as she was able and during her college years she had met dad.  She had seen stability and security in Alan and as soon as he proposed marriage she had quickly agreed.  She was only 23 when they married.

All the time mum talked she just looked into her coffee, remembering the events in a rather distant, detached manner.

She explained that after the marriage she realised that she didn't really love Alan, our father, but she would try and make it work. She was happy that she had us, 'her three adorable children' as she called us, but it wasn't enough. She explained that we were a lot of work and tied her down, she looked up at me when she said this! She continued to explain that because of this combination, feeling tied down and lack of love for her husband, she had ended up having an affair with Mr Granger. It was short lived and had almost ruined his marriage. 

Dad was silent throughout this whole exchange.

Mum took a deep breath and continued. She basically went on to say she had had a couple of one night stands but then had fallen in love with Vic Stalin, a man she had met in the local supermarket. They had had a passionate affair for a couple of months . They had planned to run off together.  She had then seen him having a coffee one morning with another woman, she confronted then making a very public scene, only to find out that he was married! She had been so devastated she had run all the way home and had taken the pills.

Finally I understood why my mother had always been so secretive and distant whilst she was with my father. Why she had never wanted us to bring him closer to us or be part of our family.  

We had all sat around the table like statues. No one said anything.  The final outcome was that apparently mum and dad had agreed that a separation would be best. They would sell the house and buy two smaller apartments and they would have joint custody of us.  

Dad then started talking, telling us not to worry that in reality our lives would not change much.

At the time we didn't believe him but in truth, as we later found out, out lives really didn't change much at all.

Mum and dad bought apartments very close to the school and each other. 

They lived separate lives, both ended up with new partners. 

Both were happy. 

And the three of us had everything we could have ever wanted. Including the love and attention from both parents.

to be continued