Dare to Say

Chapter 6 - The Answer

It took for ages for the string of doctors and nurses to complete their examinations and finally a doctor approached us. He took my father over to a corner and they spoke together in hushed voices. Dad seemed very concerned. His brow kept furrowing as the conversation progressed and his body was tense.

Finally the doctor shook hands with my father and left, my father turned round and came back to us.

He told us we could go in and see our mum, but we were to stay quiet and only be able to see her for a few minutes. When we went in she looked as white as the sheets which were tightly pulled down and tucked under her. He eyes stared empty up at the ceiling.

Greg called quietly out to her but although she turned her head towards us she didn't seem to recognise us at all. We stood awkwardly around the bed. I remember thinking that in films the mother always recognised the children, cried or called out, perhaps even a feeble lift of the hand. The films always portrayed such emotion, but here was my mother, laying in bed with no movement and absolutely no emotion.

We stood and fidgeted, not knowing what to do or say.

My father's phone rang and he left the room. We looked at each other and then quietly followed dad outside. We overheard his quiet words, '....she actually tried to kill herself, I can't believe it, I guess I knew she was unhappy, I mean come on, life is life, no-one's every 100% happy, but this! suicide! Come on, please, poor Paul, he's only 11, he still needs his mother, and the other two, their not exactly adults. God I really don't understand!.." he turned at that moment and saw us. He walked further down the hall so that we couldn't hear the rest of the conversation. But we had heard enough. Our mother had tried to take her life. Had tried to kill herself. We couldn't understand. What had made her so sad she would want to leave us. Were we so awful? Had we done something to hurt her? We just couldn't understand.