Fight Of Her Life

Chapter 16

Self harm and suicide mention

Amelia Hazel Smith 18
Tuesday December 5,2023
Port-de-me, NYC
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Sitting in the room a wave of darkness come stumbling down on me, all the emotions that I have been holding in is now pouring out.

Feel tired

Me Neva do nothing fih deserve dis

Wah me eva do god

Why me

Need something fih relieve the pain

Looking around my room, I spot a blade on my dresser and stretch towards it.

Looking at the blade I stared piercing the blade in my skin pulling it until blood started flowing.

Repeating this multiple time by the end my arm is  covered with my blood, bringing the blade to my other hand I start craving death. Placing the now bloody blade on the dresser, I grab my hidden lighter that I usually use to burn my thighs.

Looking down at me 8 month belly I started crying even harder.

Sorry you mom Neva better than this

You been through so much and you not even come Inna the world yet

Sorry I failed you this early in life, am sorry I put you through hell without fighting.

Am sorry I put you though so much. Am sorry for always being a failure to you. Am sorry that am incapable of letting go off memories that will last forever, but it can cause you death.. Am sorry i mix in with the wrong crowd. Am sorry your father doesn't know you. Am sorry your grandmother my mother hates you. Am sorry that I trust too much putting too much trust and faith in people and it Neva turns out right.

I hope you can forgive

Walking back to the bed I take my seat where I can see in the mirror above my bed.

Holding my foot the air I place the lighter close to my skin and the feel started overwhelming me.

My blood is now in a pool on the bed from my hand.

After being satisfied enough I hide the lighter and grab my pen and book that I had on the nightstand.

Goodbye

Am sorry for failing y'all I don't want to be a burden any more I know that you guys are showing pity and I hate pity. Am right this minutes before taking my life, I know am being selfish but I know my baby will live so take care of him and her. Inform Jayden about the baby and let him decide what is best if he wants to keep the baby let him  just monitor and guide him. My own mother is against my baby don't allow her to come near him or her. She set me up to get rape and she push me to fall, I didn't do nothing but love and make her proud. Thank you Aunty for being here for me I don't want to be a bother anymore so I hope you accept this don't cry for I will always be in your heart.  Paris you can take my clothes and jewelry, spend my money on my baby and donate half to charity. Daddy sorry for letting you done multiple time am not strong enough to fight anymore. Thank you for being here when you were need I appreciate you. Tell Jayden that am sorry that he found out about the baby like this and am sorry. I hope y'll enjoy life.

Yours sincerely
A.H.S

Grabbing my tail comb I stab my neck multiple times in hope of succeeding.