Ghosts (Camren)

Chapter 12

{ Lauren }

[ 10:53 ] Camila please pick up

[10:54 ] I'm sorry

[10:54 ] Please answer the phone...

[10:54 ] I just want to apologize .. I've called like ten times now just to say I'm sorry.

[ 10:55 ] Camz, really? You can't answer the phone?

[ 10:55 ] It's the green button. Just press that

[ 10:57 ] You know your read receipts are on? I can see you reading all of these and still ignoring me.

[ 11:08 ] Still nothing?

[ 11:11 ] You.

[ 11:12 ] Get it? :)

[ 11:12 ] It means my 11:11 wish is you.

[ 11:36 ] Please stop ignoring me.

[ 11:49 ] I'm sorry. Good night.

I couldn't excuse what I'd done. The silent treatment was probably the least of what I deserved. I couldn't keep my promise. I'm dedicated to Camila, I am. But I'm struggling to forget Normani along the way. And I'm trying! But she doesn't cut me any slack regarding that. After an amazing night like that, she let one little thing ruin it. Granted, it was kind of unforgivable in the moment... But I was serious about her.

I felt like shit, to put it simply. Camila refused to answer the phone. It was about midnight now, but I couldn't get her to speak to me past what she'd said prior to me leaving. I understood completely why she couldn't be my girlfriend. I kept fucking doing shit like that. And now even if I told her, she wouldn't believe me. I really fucking like her and I'm pretty sure she can't be convinced anymore.

I don't want her to feel like she's competing with Normani. She isn't. Not anymore. She just does a bunch of things I used to do with Normani. Isn't it normal to think back on the good times? The only person I've ever had that strong of a connection with was her, and now Camila. Normani was my first time for everything, including my first time. She's all I had to compare it to. When Camila started grinding on me like that, my thoughts were clouded. I recognized that it was Camila, but my responses were conditioned for what Normani used to like. I've said her name countless times with other people, but with them, I didn't care. They were distractions. Camila was an opportunity now, and I fucked it up.

I can be completely devoted to Camila. I can prove to her that I'm dedicated. I want her to know that she's all I care about. How can I show her that? Of course I'll have setbacks, but can't she give me a little leeway? I'll admit that what I did was pretty fucked up, but it was an honest mistake. If I had control over it, there was no way that would've come out. I'm pathetic.

I laid in bed for hours, just staring up at my stupid ceiling. Camila was all I could think about. My intentions with her were pure. I can't even explain how badly I'd love to call her mine. I would be so proud. I would give her everything. But now I can't even get her to talk to me. I planned on talking to her tomorrow at school, but something told me she'd make an effort to be invisible again.

-

I was right. I kept an eye out for Camila. Going to all of her typical spots were futile. She wasn't there, or anywhere. It was unlikely that she'd skipped school just to avoid me. Or at least, I thought it was unlikely. Surely she wouldn't go through extremes just to make sure we didn't cross paths.

I gave up on trying to call her. When people incessantly call or text me, I get annoyed. I didn't want to annoy her by pestering her with my apologies. I trusted that hopefully in time, she would come to me when she was ready.