So school starts tomorrow. I am not ready for that shit. Like my girlfriend and one of my best friends won't be going to the same school as me, and I haven't seen either of them in what feels like ages. And I'm kinda freaking out because I don't know how I'm going to get through middle school without them.
I am also basically terrified to meet my new and my old classmates. I'm not good at making new friends, but I need more than one, apparently.
I miss my girlfriend. I went to Cyprus for 10 days and couldn't message her because of some stupid shit.
I really need to meet all my friends again soon or I think I'm gonna go fucking crazy. There's only a day left until school starts, and I feel like I need to meet them all right now, but I can't.
I'm also hella nervous about the fact that I'm not going to be able to concentrate at all because of my shit mind. And I know I won't because my routine will change, and I won't know anyone, and I won't know the teachers, and I won't know the school. And all of that will send my brain into fucking fight, flight or freeze mode, and it always picks freeze apparently. And then I won't be able to focus on anything and I won't be able to talk to anyone and nobody will be able to talk to me and nobody will then want to talk to me and I'll be all afuckinglone.
My psychiatrist says that it will be okay but I don't think it will. I haven't talked to her in weeks anyway what would she know?
I'm also scared for my mental health, because belive it or not it got worse over the summer. I have not slept properly for months, I have barely talked to anyone, and my brain has freezed like Internet explorer. I don't know how I'm going to actually be okay. And i know that there are people out there who have it much worse than me. I know that I'm lucky to live in the place I live, and I'm lucky to have rights and all of that.
I dont know why I feel like this. Maybe I'm overwhelmed. Maybe it's my repressed childhood trauma. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an ungrateful little bitch.
I feel like I need to cry, but my eyes won't. This feels like shit.
Yaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
I miss my girlfriend so fucking much Im basically crying. She's probably going to see this. Emi, please don't feel bad because of this. It is not your fault that we didn't meet earlier, ok?
I think my friend that moved made a wattpad account and read weird shit.
I wonder I she reads something else that me or fae-fae writes. It'd be so awkward if she did, because we haven't told her of our relationship yet.
I have down the rabbit hole by downsides on my brain and I relate to it so fucking much.
I just sent my girlfriend a message, and she's so pretty omfggggggggggggg. I don't know how I managed to date her she's so amazing.
Gtg bye
