The whiffs of fate

CHAPTER FIVE

I walked out of the restaurant, I kept walking, I walked fast, I don't know where I'm going, I'm just walking to unknown destination, my tears started falling from my eyes, I can't hold them back, I got to one of the chairs in the park, I sit down, I bowed my head down, while I use my hands to cover my face, because I'm crying, and I don't wanna anyone to see me like this
I want to stop crying but I can't, I'm thinking about all the hurtful words that I said to Owen
It wasn't easy for me to get those words out, especially knowing that he's a good guy, he didn't do anything wrong, at all, he doesn't deserve anything of what I told him
I want to go back to the restaurant and apologize to him for everything I said, and fix what I destroyed, but I can't
I feel disgusted from myself
I keep ruining things, and that's exactly why I want to keep him away from me, because I will hurt him a lot
It's all because of him
I can't mention his name, or mention my connection to him, he doesn't deserve to be a husband or a father, he's a big failure, he ruined my mother's life and then ruined mine, and we're still floundering in the effects of that destruction, and maybe this will last forever, he made me deny the existence of love, he made love for me just an abstract a meaningless word
All this talk inside my brain made me want to scream, I want this to stop this, I started banging my head with my hands and saying "stop, stop, please stop, I can't take it anymore, just stop"
I think my screams caught people's attention to me,
Suddenly, I feel warm hands grabbing my hands, and stopping them from beating me, I raised my head to see who is holding my hands but I can't see clearly because of my eyes swollen from crying, and also the darkness, all I see is a man, his hair is black, and his eyes sparkling despite the darkness, he looks at  me and says "Hey, don't do this to yourself"
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to stand, it turned out that he is much taller than me, I feel like a little girl in front of him, he keeps holding my hands, he looks at me straight in the eyes and then he says "Everything will be fine, okay, no matter what happens, it doesn't deserve... "
He said it in a tender and soft way, it made me cry again, this time I don't know why I'm crying, I just cry, just maybe because of his kindness and tenderness
I put my head on his chest, then he wrapped his arms around me, I feel his hand patting my head
How I longed for this feeling, the feeling of owning a person, to whom I always flee when life is hard on me
Since that day I cut off all my relations with everyone I loved, and every time I go through a difficult day like this, I go to the beach, I sit alone crying sometimes, othertimes I scream, until the war inside me subside
When I am happy, I am happy alone, when I am sad, I grieve alone, I cry alone, I laugh alone and so on... I do everything alone
How I wish there was a person to whom I would run away at the time of my joy and sadness, with whom I would share my worries, plans, thoughts
Someone, I tell him everything I've been through in my day,
but I can't own him
He kept hugging me until I calmed down, I moved away from him a little and then I tell him with an indistinct voice "I have to go home..."
I fill my bag
He says "I can drive you... If you want"
I say "No thanks, I can go with my own"
He says "Don't be so stubborn, I won't let you go alone in this condition"  
I say "Excuse me, who are you to talk to me like this, and what's wrong with my condition"
I walk away from him but he grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, his body stuck to my body, his eyes looked into my eyes, my heart began to beat quickly, then I quickly pulled my hand and said "What are you doing? What's wrong with you?"
He says "I told you I won't let you go like this, I'm insisting on getting you"
I remained silent for a while, then I say "Well, okay okay ..."
We went to his car, it was parked on the side of the road, he opens the door for me... then we go
Meanwhile, Owen was watching everything that happened from a far
After I left the restaurant, he followed me, and he saw when this man was hugging me, then he saw me escorting him to his car
I told the man, whose name I still do not know, about the location of my house, and then we headed to it
On the way there, I started having some thoughts, I don't know who this person, I'm in is in his car, I don't even know his name, is he a good person or not, did he approach me in the garden because he wanted to help me, or does he intend something else, does he want to kidnap me? 
At some point I wanted him to be a kidnapper, I wanted him to take me to a far place, a place far away from all this noise that surrounds me, a place where I could forget who I am and where I came from
My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing, I answer, Essal starts speaking quickly and loudly "Layla I'm sorry I didn't call you when I arrived here, Aunt Evan was taking a shower so she didn't answer her phone and because I was helping her with the food I forget to call you, I'm really sorry Layla"
I say "How is she now?"  
Essal says "She's fine, now we're preparing your favorite dessert, she wants to make up for yesterday, she told me not to tell you, she wants it to be a surprise"
I say "I'll be home soon, see you there"
Then I hung up
I don't know, but after hearing what my mother is cooking for me, I felt my heart break, I turn my face towards the window, and try hard not to cry
I can feel his gazes on me from time to time
When we got home, I got out of the car, and he got off too
He asks me "Is this your home?  It looks beautiful"
I say "Thank you...thank you for taking the trouble to drive me home,I appreciate it..."
He says "I couldn't leave you in the middle of the street, in this condition and in this hour, and everyone would do the same"
I say "No not everyone... "I will enter now, bye"
He says "Have a good night"
I turn around to leave
Although curiosity kills me to know his name or anything about him, but my mood wasn't good, it did not allow me to thank him well, or invite him to enter, or ask him about anything...