The whiffs of fate

CHAPTER TWO

Dear diary,

Today has been very difficult, for me and my mother.
Today is the first in August, this date bears a bitter memory, it is the day that my father deserted my mother after twenty-eight years of marriage, every year on this day, my mother's mood turns to become depressed and sad, I do not know if she is sad about that he is gone, or she sad about those years that were wasted from her life, or about her love for a traitor that does not deserve love...
It was difficult for me to console my mother, I did everything to get her out of this state, I try to make her forget him, she must forget him, she must continue her life.
I want her to know that I am here with her, to know that I love her, and that I will never abandon her.
I want her to know all this, but she insists on clinging to that miserable memory.
Her life and youth that wasted because of him were not enough for her, she is still wasting her life for his memory.
I made her a bouquet of flowers, which I decorate it well
Various flowers, each flower in it carries a different meaning:
        "Amaryllis flower  symbolizes exquisite beauty, and it is a  value beyond beauty"
            "Birds of paradise flower symbolizes joy and splendor"
            "The pink carnation flower symbolizes of how much a person loves his mother"
            "The daffodil flower symbolizes unrequited love"
            "The small pearl flower symbolizes innocence, purity, love and joy"
             "Gardenia flower symbolizes purity, sweetness, love and joy"
             "The lily flower symbolizes purity and refined beauty"

I made that bouquet because I wanted to confess how much I love her and how much I care about her through something I excel at
I brought her close friends, from the old neighborhood, where we were living, before we moved here, I took her to the beach, we bought food, I tried to talk to her, I tried to cheer her up and make her laugh, but none of this was enough to get her out of her sadness,
Her sadness remained the same,
We came back home, and I took her to her bed, I wished her a good night and I kissed her
In he way home we kept silent, I didn't know what to say, I tried to make her happy all the day, all my thoughts ran out now, I couldn't think of anything to say, and even if I said something, that wouldn't change anything, she would turn around to me and smile that cold smile and then she would go back to her previous state....
I blame him for what he had done to her, and I blame her too for imitating him, she gave him her life when they were together, and now she's still doing the same, she forgot that she has a daughte...
I need her
I need her so much
I spent years taking care of her while I still needed someone to take care of me, I was by her side in all her depressions, it was very difficult, I did everything I could to get her out of that world where she made herself a prisoner, but I can't do everything alone, I need her to understand that she needs to be strong, to help me get her out, she must forget everything that happened...
I loved her so much, but I hate how she still clings to his fucking memory...

I close my dairy, with the pen in it, I put it on the my desk besides me, and I lay on my bed, I put my head on the pad, and I take the other pad and hold it between my arms, I'm trying to sleep, I'm trying to forget this day forever, I want to forget that one day I had a father, sometimes I manage to get through this, but this memory and how my mother deals with it, they bring me back to the beginning, they bring back all those miserable memories...
I turn off the light and sleep while I repeat inside me
"I will not love anyone
I will not fall in love with anyone
I will not allow anyone to make me live what my mother is living
There is no love in reality, love exist only in books
I'm fine alone and I don't need anyone beside me under the name of love... I promise"