love song ౨ৎ

1 - it's going to be okay, jenny

5:45

i need to get up in 15 minutes. i haven't slept a single second and today is my first day of school. oh boy.

i mean, what did i expect? i've always been an anxious mess. even as a kid i had sleepless nights. i used to be on medication but the doctor made me wean. now, i'm back to square one. i can't sleep. why are doctors so self-entitled?

6:00

my alarm's instant ringing pulls me from my thoughts. I silence it, get up, and look at my reflection in the mirror. "today will be a good day," i whisper to myself, hoping those words hold enough strength to quiet my mind. i smile and the bags under my eyes darken.

"5 more minutes."

though my current surroundings aren't what I'm accustomed to, the bed's comfort was a solace. memories of Algarve and its beauty, the warmth of my mom's home, flowed into my head. the serene architecture, the green surroundings, the feeling of being cocooned in comfort with my grandparents - near my paintings, sun kissed through the dainty curtains. i liked to lay down on the grass and fill my lungs with air as if i had finally learnt how to breathe. it all seems so distant now.

it's going to be okay, Jenny.

7:25

before leaving the house, i check myself one more time, in the hallway mirror. as i stand there, wet hair and uniform, i notice a little note

honey, best of luck. call if you need anything.

London's air carries a freshness so pure, it almost stings. the brown and black townhouses. the grey pavement. people fleeting my sight like trains. i feel out of place.

it's going to be okay, Jenny.

the bus was, as always, late. i sit next to an old lady wearing a retro white mesh sweater, a long black and white skirt, and leather shoes. and pink lipstick. i look at my watch.

7:48

great, i'm going to be late.

i jog through the gates. the school is extensive. some people are in the hallways, a group of students greeting each other. they look so happy - i think. a sprinkle of joy shoots from my heart.
i check my schedule, which i printed. okay 1.18. first floor, room 18. as i pass by them to go up the stairs, i don't feel hopeless like i once felt.

i'm approaching the classroom's open door and the chatting gets louder. i'm glad the class hasn't started. i get inside and ask the first girl i see sitting alone, if i can sit with her.

"of course!" the girl says with a welcoming smile. she has blue eyes, beachy blonde hair. i smile back.

"what's your name?"

"i'm Jennifer. new here. and you?"

"i'm Lacie-" her sentence is cut short by the teacher's authoritative interruption. sudden silence, i pivot toward the front.

and then it happens.

my jaw, unhinged, nearly kisses the floor.

he's... exquisite? not just his features, but his posture, the aura exuding from him, those piercing blue eyes. a frozen tableau, two souls locked in visual communion.

two seconds. his gaze breaks, a hand rifling through dark hair, shoulders folding onto the table.

"apologies for startling you all. i trust you've had a restful summer, but it's time to work." a pause, as if he inhales the room's collective trepidation. "for those who aren't familiar, my name is Ronan Boyle. five years an English teacher." the words mark his domain.

Mr. Boyle
English

he writes, on the blackboard. "in my class we strive for both amusement and education. for those disinterested, the door's that way." a gaze sweeps the room, a feral intensity that pins me like a butterfly. "that being said..."

a beat, a shift, a lean upon a table. tall and authoritative.

"page 9."

i hear chatting again, someone even asked Mr. Boyle how his summer was. i'm still frozen.

i think i'm in love.