Unreadable: A Phan AU

His name hit me...

His name hit me like a nest of wasps, stinging and swarming in my chest. I looked up and made eye contact, only to be pelted with images. I was used to the feeling by now, I didn't even get headaches anymore, so I didn't flinch or even react to the crash of memories rammed into my mind.

I saw the usual things, opening birthday presents each year, the first days of every grade, a few funerals of distant, elderly relatives, and everything else. Although, along with the expected, I encountered something new and painful. I saw every moment he spent with someone I cared about.

Much like what Phil had told me, I saw their meeting in college. I watched as they became friends, get closer, and shared secrets. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy finally finding things out about Phil, which I didn't have access to previously.

My jealous side, which I'd recently discovered, hated how Phil had someone he was closer to. Hated that I wasn't his number one, when he was mine. I didn't have a lot time to dwell on my jealousy of their friendship before a new wave of pictures hit me. It was of them kissing, going on dates, sharing I love you's while cuddled, and much more intimate things, although never sex. Suddenly I remembered what Phil was telling me earlier:

"Dan...Adam wasn't just my friend..." he slowly got out, looking at me expectantly. I looked at him with what I can assume was a very confused look plastered on my face. He searched my eyes again and seemed desperate for me to understand whatever he was trying to say.

I was such an idiot. It made sense now, although I wish with all my heart it didn't. Phil previous words were a final kick in the gut of my emotions. I felt defeated, I was content on giving up. Adam had years with Phil. He was a romantic interest, beyond whatever sexual tension Phil and I have. What was I? A co-worker, friend at best.

I didn't even care about the last pieces of memory that came. Like I said earlier, I didn't have much of a choice either way. I watched with pain and regret as it was nearing today, however, an image peaked my interest. It was of Adam in a classroom, however, it was late at night and he was with, what seemed like, a group of students.

It wasn't just any late-night tutoring session though, there were bottles and drinks scattered on desks everywhere. In the midst of the alcohol, were a group of 5 college students, seemingly grinding on each other for dear life. Adam was just watching, until another female student, with not nearly enough clothes on, came in. She walked up to him, and got into the routine the other students were in. Grinding, kissing, and definitely leading somewhere.

Images of similar occasions hit me and I realized it was a regular occurrence. Mixed in with these disgusting memories were some with Phil, where they'd just be cuddled together on a couch in this very apartment or out on a date. It wouldn't take a detective to figure out an affair from this information.

A few other images came of Phil and him arguing over the last few months over suspicion, but Phil never seemed to catch him. All while he was still having these meetings with the girl. Finally, I saw the fight that had made Adam move out. I watched in horror and realized why Phil was paralyzed with fear beside me. I felt my insides boiling and I wanted to break something, preferably him, for breaking Phil.

Although all these emotins occured in the span of a second, it had been silent for nearly ten seconds as I realized I was probably glaring at him.

"Nice to meet you too," I replied, trying my best not to spit the words out like acid upon my tongue.

"Right..." he drew out in a mix of confusion and discomfort. "Thank you for dropping Phil off, I can take it from here. It looks like he's having another anxiety attack for some reason, but he's in safe hands now," he reassured me with a smile.

If I really was just another stranger, I would truly have believed he was in safe hands. The fact is, I wasn't. I forced a smile back and decided to play it safe and act like I was just any guy who helped Phil back to his place like he thought.

"You're welcome. Would you mind if I talk to Phil for a second before I go?" I asked as I put on my biggest, idiot grin.

"Sure, go ahead. I'm not stopping you," he replied casually while slowly rubbing Phil's back.

Although every fiber of my being wanted to scream at him at this point, I faked ignorance and clarified.

"Oh, I meant alone. No offense or anything, bro, but I just wanna check in real quick before I'm off." I explained as I exaggerated my unthreatening persona.

I couldn't roll my eyes interally at how idiotic this must have seemed to Phil, but his safety was the only thing that mattered to me at the moment. It seemed to do the trick though, because Adam, although hesitant, granted me my wish and I walked Phil out to the hall.

Once the door closed, I heard Phil release a shuddering breath and relaxed into me where I was holding his side. I had a whole lot of mixed emotions, but no matter how I felt towards Phil after what I saw, I still wanted him safe.

"I know this isn't my decision, but I want you to consider staying with me for a little while. At least until you can get your own place away from him. I don't know what happened between you two, even though I do, and I don't know your relationship, I still do, but it's obviously not something you need to deal with right now. So please come back with me and at least consider?" I argued in hope he would come back long enough for me to make an actual plan.

It seemed to be much easier than I anticipated. Phil nodded quickly and I could feel his nails dig into my arm. I tried not to flinch and nodded back to reassure him. I, as quietly as possible, snuck Phil away and flagged down the nearest cab I saw. I was worried Phil would hear my heart beating fast, but when I took a deep breath and exhaled, I felt his heart beating twice the speed of mine.

Once in, I finally looked at him more than just a quick glance. He looked utterly wrecked and I could still feel his shivers from the other side of the car. What killed me most was his eyes. Normally, they'd be full of energy and even when he had cried, they sparkled like the ocean. Now? They were bottom of the ocean. Barren, deserted, empty of all life.

They were what made me give in. I planned on distancing myself from him until I thought things through. I wanted to take a step back, breathe, and then decide what the Hell I was doing. However, things don't always go according to plan, I told myself as I scooted closer to the broken soul next to me. I knew it was the right thing to do as he grappled on to me like I was his lifeline.

For the rest of the ride, I soothed him with calming words and gentle movements. As much as I wanted to ignore my racing heart, no longer from panic, and clammy palms so I could keep my distance, emotional of course due to him still grasping me as-if I could dissapear, I was falling all over again.

It was at that moment that I realized what so many of you must have figured out by now in my story. I mean, my inner monologue practically just gave it away but...

I was falling for Phil.

I still needed to think a few things over and figure out what I wanted. However, I knew one thing: I was falling for someone for the first time...and I was falling hard.