Unreadable: A Phan AU

I stumbled down...

I stumbled down the hall to the kitchen as Phil leaped and ran. I had no idea where he got the energy but it was exciting. As I walked in, he was already getting out the necessary ingredients and even a few spices I wasn't aware I had.
"Phil, I thought we were making pancakes, not a soufflé for the queen" I teased.
I started to mean those words when I saw everything he was doing. He was so concentrated on the measurements that you'd think he was defusing a bomb.
"So...how'd you sleep?"

...

"Phil?"

...
It looked like he wasn't going to respond until he was finished so I let him. I watched as he whisked, poured, flipped, and spiced each cake with the absolute precision of a surgeon. I jumped a little when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Voila! The best pancakes you'll ever eat!" he spoke as he set the plate down in front of me.
He sat down next to ne and stared. I waited for him to start eating before I did but he just looked into my eyes. I took the opportunity to really look into his. Each spark of yellow-green that broke through the blue surface. The more I looked, the more I was convinced I could get lost in them.
"Well? Are you going to try them or will I have to keep staring at you until you do?" he insisted.
If I was honest, the staring wasn't such a bad thing but I looked away and picked up my fork to hide the heat on my cheeks.
Why I was blushing? I couldn't tell you but I wasn't about to make a fool of myself in front of Phil.
I carefully cut a piece off and chewed it with as much grace as he had making them. I didn't have to pretend to enjoy them considering they were the best food I've ever had, let alone pancake. I melted into the mixture of cinnamon and sugary goodness that couldn't be described further as my mind went blank with pleasure from my tastebuds. When I swallowed, I gazed at Phil who seemed proud of his dish by my reaction.
"Yes, it's the best breakfast you've ever had, yes I can tell you all the ingredients, but no, you'll never be able to make them as good."
He seemed to pluck the words from my mouth and I was grateful because I could barely form coherent thoughts, let alone speak. We ate in silence as I devoured my food and he ate like it was any other meal.
"Saying that you could make heaven-cakes would have granted you the job before anything else ya know?" I joked as I finished.
"Yes, but then you'd expect me to make them. Where as, this was a pleasant surprise which made it all the more better, including your reaction." he explained.
"My reaction? Unless you're talking about the unsubtle drool that dripped from my mouth during the massacre, which wouldn't be something to wait for," I retorted as I popped a piece from his nearly full plate into my mouth and flung myself onto the couch.
We spent the next couple hours talking. Discussing his new job and just learning new things about each other. It was impossible I had met this man not even a day ago. I told him about the shop and what he'd be doing for however long he planned on working there. I learned that Phil was not a master chef, but learned how to make them from his grandma when he was younger. That led to family which led to friends. I remembered what he told me last night about why he needed the job in the first place.
"Phil...if you don't mind me asking... Which you can considering we only just met but...what happened with your prior-roomate?"
He went stiff and I could already see his throat tighten and hands harshly grip the pillow he had on his chest. He looked everywhere but me with tears forming in his beautiful eyes and I felt like the worst person in the world. I scooted closer, gently putting my arms around him and bringing his head to my chest. It still surprises me, looking back, because I wasn't an intimate person. I didn't do intimate, whether it was simply hugging or sharing deep stories, I didn't do it, and here I was cuddling another man.
He molded into me as sobs began to rack his tall figure. It took ten or fifteen minutes to calm him down, but I held on much longer. I knew he needed it and I found that I did too, maybe even more. I let him go when I felt him mumbling into my shirt.
"What was that?" I asked as gently as I could manage. Phil sniffled and started again.
"His name was Adam." he got out before another sob overtook him from just the name. I held him tighter and waited for him to continue.
"I've known him for 3 and a half years. Him and I met in college and both graduated in the same year, him a year early. We were roommates then too. We both had such high hopes and dreams, we quickly became close friends and shared our deep thoughts with each other under the stars." Phil gripped my shirt tighter as he went further in detail.
"When we graduated, I couldn't bare the thought of losing him. Luckily, he suggested we get a flat together and share rent. I quickly agreed and we started living together in the real world. It was so much harder than it was in college. I went off and got an internship with a huge publishing company. I wasn't...well, am not sure what I want to do as a career but I love books so I thought I'd give it a go. It didn't pay at first so I wasn't bringing in enough money. I got a smaller job at my favorite coffee shop a block from our flat and worked there for a few months until I got a better job with the company. I still go there every once in a while and they treat me like family."
At this point, I was intensely listening and was invested in the story like it was another good book. I was still holding Phil unconsciously and I'm only in the hours later did I stop to think about it.
"With all my jobs and responsibilities, I didn't have time for Adam as much as I wanted. We could never see each other except late at night and early in the morning before he had to go to the college. He works as a professor in the very college we graduated from. About four months ago, he started growing distant. Even more so than before. One month ago, I found out that he began...hanging out with... a few students."
Towards the end of his story, he began getting choked up again and I could feel him repressing the urge to sob.
" After that we started fighting and two days ago he said I'd be better if he just left. In the heat of the argument, I agreed and stormed off. I wanted around town for a while and tried to calm down until it was time for work. When I returned to the flat...it was only half full."
His voice cracked on the last word and he buried his head deep into my chest. My eyes were tearing up from the story alone when he jolted up (giving me a small heart attack,) and we were face to face, mere inches away. He looked deep into my eye, as if he was searching for something.
"Dan, are we friends?"
"Of course we are Phil, sure, it's only been for a day but you're already one of my closest friends." I felt incredibly stupid and pathetic after telling him it but it seemed to do the trick because he took a deep breath and looked relieved. His expression didn't stay that way because he soon looked conflicte. Like he wanted to tell me something but was at war with himself.
"Dan...Adam wasn't just my friend..." he slowly got out, looking at me expectantly. I looked at him with what I can assume was a very confused look plastered on my face. He searched my eyes again and seemed desperate for me to understand whatever he was trying to say. I was at a lost and he seemed to give up. He sighed and put his head back on my shoulder.
"Nevermind, I think this had been emotional enough. Thank you for not leaving," he muttered.
"It's no problem, like I said, you're one of my closest friends." Again, I felt stupid but when Phil lifted his head and smiled at me, I knew I'd tell him a thousand times to see him smile.