Fractured Fragments Pt.1 (BoyXBoy)

25: Opening Doors

*Chris POV*

Drops slowly rolled off my wrists as I pulled the blade across them. I had gotten a letter in the mail asking for my corporation in court as they believed they were closing in on the group responsible. I'd nearly had a breakdown when mom told me had Tyler not been there I likely would have. That was last night and here I am again I never meant for this to become a habit. At least it was cold out now that makes it easier to hide.

After several more lines on each wrist, I had to stop. The razor slipped from my fingers, its surface too slick to hold onto. I took a moment to clean myself up, the act of tending to my wounds becoming a strange form of self-care. Every time I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but hate what stared back at me. Those men had taken everything from me, leaving me feeling broken and empty.

The pain they caused was no longer confined to my body-it had spread into my daily life. Rumors had started circulating at school, and I had overheard snippets of conversations. Kids were talking, whispering behind my back. I had become the subject of cruel gossip.

The rumor about me being gay wasn't something I denied. It was a part of me that I had come to accept, even though the world around me might not always understand. But the one about having an STD-that was a different kind of cruelty. It felt like a calculated attempt to strip away any remnants of my dignity, to make me feel even more isolated and broken than I already did.

In the midst of it all, as I struggled to cope with my own pain and the weight of these hurtful words, I clung to whatever fragments of strength I had left. The mirror seemed like a constant reminder of my vulnerabilities I just wanted to punch it.

Lately, I felt like I was making some headway in dealing with my anxiety, especially when it came to my parents and Tyler. Around them, I managed to maintain a better grip on my emotions. Even at school, I was learning to keep my anxiety at bay, as long as I could avoid anyone or anything that might trigger it. It was progress of sorts, a glimmer of hope that I could find some stability.

But the flip side of the coin was that, beneath the surface, things weren't as hopeful as they appeared. In ways that others couldn't see, I felt like I was unraveling. The thoughts of smoking crept back into my mind, a tempting escape that might help me numb the pain, if only temporarily. And then there was the dark pull of self-harm, something that seemed to offer a brief respite from the overwhelming emotions, even though deep down, I knew it wasn't a solution.

There were days when the weight of everything became too much to bear. It was as if I was standing at a crossroads, struggling between the desire to find relief and the knowledge that those paths would only lead to more pain. In my weakest moments, I wished for an end to it all, a way to escape the turmoil that seemed to constantly swirl around me.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door, causing me to jump. "Chris, are you in here?" Tyler called out to me.

"Yea, I- I'm coming," I said, stumbling over my words. I quickly hid the razor behind my phone case, flushed the bloody toilet paper and bandages. I then pulled down my sleeves and exited the bathroom to see Tyler sitting on my bed.

"Hey baby, you ready? It's almost time for your appointment," he said.

Crap, I completely forgot. My parents decided it'd be good for me to start seeing a therapist, and today was unfortunately my first appointment. "Come on, boys, we gotta go," my mom called from the kitchen. Reluctantly, I headed for the door, Tyler following behind me.

We walked down to the kitchen, finding my mom waiting. Following her, we got into the car. My anxiety was through the roof, and I couldn't stop shaking my leg. I had music playing far too loud in my ear, trying to relax. Tyler gently held my hand, busy playing on his phone. The car ride felt like I was being taken to my imminent demise.