The Outlaw's Sister

Confessions

After trying hopelessly to calm Andy for half an hour, I found myself back in my bed; He was curled up against me. His hands were gripping onto my t-shirt, as if he was afraid that I'd leave him once he fell asleep. He looked so vulnerable. So childlike. His chest rose and fell like the ocean tide sweeping away any doubts of what I felt for him. My mind was changing slowly. I cared for him; I always had. I loved him (In which form I didn't know yet). Though I couldn't tell him. Not now. I looked at his sweet face. I stroked his cheek softly. Something stirred in my chest. I knew I could tell him right now.(Especially after what I had done.) I would try and tell him when the time was right. Trying to deny my feelings was futile; I had conditioned myself to push people away when they got too close for so long. Somehow Andy had broken down my extensive barriers. I had a lapse of judgement; I let him in. When I tried to fix the problem I had created I willingly hurt him because that was better than revealing what happened the night we met. I was damaged. I was willing to give up my only friend so no-one would find out the awful truth.

I had been drugged at a party over two years ago. Out of of mind on whatever had been slipped into my drink. I wandered around the party making a fool out of myself in front of all my old friends. Though I could barely call them friends. They let it happen to me. They could have stopped it but no. They let him drag me into that bedroom. I was inebriated. How could I give consent to such an act. I could barely walk let alone say yes or no. In that room I was subjected to an act that no-one should have to go through. I was brutally raped. I screamed. I couldn't speak but I could scream at least. No-one intervened.

Next thing I know I was wandering along the highway at 3 am, completely out of it. I would have been dead if Andy hadn't stopped. I was standing in the middle of the highway, unwilling to accept my ill-fate. Deep in my subconscious I remembered every detail of what had happened. And I was repulsed by it. My mind was already damaged. The weight of that appalling event crippled my mind further, causing my descent into depression to spiral out of control. I was going to give up. That's how I ended up on the middle of the highway that night. I was preparing myself for a messy but dignified death. I was surrendering my soul. There was no hope for salvation. I saw a monster of an S.U.V speeding towards me. I saw my chance and I took it. The glowing lights of the afterlife grew ever closer. Everything went slow and I began to blur. Slowly everything went black and I knew I was dying. I embraced it.

Next thing I knew, I was in the back of a strangers car. My eyes flickered wearily. I was terrified.  I tried to look for my possible attacker.

"Where am I?" I slurred.

"In good hands." The stranger boomed.

His voice was deep and loud which hurt my sensitive ears. I was wincing in the back seat of the car.

I looked around trying to find the source of the irritation. Then I saw Andy's face for the first time. His long mane of hair, his bright blue eyes, that sweet smile.  At that time I wasn't focused on his good looks. I was genuinely terrified. I thought Andy was my attacker. I stopped thinking about that horrible night for a minute. I kissed Andy's forehead. He looked adorable lying in my arms. I sighed, thinking about the mess my life was.

But back to the story; I was shaking like a leaf.

"Who are you?" I cried, trying to edge towards the door. "Please don't hurt me."

He looked at me concerned.

"I'm Andy Biersack." He said calmly. "I'm not going to hurt you, I'm taking you home."

"You are the lead singer of Black Veil Brides?" I asked calmly.

"I knew who he was. Surprisingly even though I hated my brother I kept track on him.

"Yes I am."

"How did I end up here?" I asked trying to remember what happened.

"You were on the middle of the highway," He choked out. "I almost ran you over."

Everything that had happened that night came back in an unsettling vivid flash. Me being drugged by my old best friends, what happened in that bedroom, crawling out of there afterwards with my classmates pelting me with cups of alcohol. I was going to kill myself. I was sure of that now.

I was trying to recoil from the flashbacks. However my cruel mind was dragging me in. I tried to struggle against it but it was futile.

"Are you.........." I choked.

I tried to say those awful words but nothing came out. He looked at me reassuringly.

"No-one will hurt you," He stated firmly. "I promise."

His eyes were clear of any suspicion. I could tell by his posture that he wasn't hiding anything. However he kept glancing back at me.

"You look familiar," He mused. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

He recognised me but he couldn't match a name to my face.

"I think so." I said nervously.

I felt numb. The agony I had felt earlier turned into a numbing sensation. I felt so hopeless.

"What's your name?" He said curious to unmask me and discover my identity.

"Willow," I said gritting my teeth. "Willow, Rose, Purdy."

Everything clicked in Andy's mind when he heard my last name.

"Your Ashley's sister aren't you?"

"Unfortunately."

"Why are you out here in the middle of the night," He paused midsentence as if he was trying to think of the right words to say.

"To kill myself," I said. "Isn't that what you mean?"

"I guess." He said uncomfortable.

"It's a long complicated story."

"You can tell me."

I fidgeted with the sleeves of the jacket. Then I looked down it wasn't mine. I didn't own a huge leather bomber jacket. He looked at me. I really didn't want Ashley to know about this, ever.

As much as I hated him, I loved him as well. He was my big brother, no matter what. I didn't want him to think that he had failed to protect me. (Even though he had.) I wasn't that cruel.

"You can't tell him." I begged.

"Why?" Andy stated.

"Because I don't want to give him another reason to worry."

Andy considered it for a moment then turned to me.

"I promise."

So I told him the whole tragic tale. He listened to every word that came out of my mouth, no matter how painful it was to hear. Then when I told him what drove me to suicide, I saw anger in his eyes.

I have never seen that much anger in his eyes after that night. When I arrived home I took off his jacket but he handed it back and smiled at me. He put his number in my phone. He kissed my cheek softly. That night had given an unbreakable bond. We were friends.

I looked at his angelic face. He was still as handsome as the day I met him. I pressed my lips against his. I wish I could tell him the truth. I did feel something for him. I just needed time to figure out the extent of my feelings. Christian doesn't matter because he doesn't know the real me. He doesn't understand me. Andy does. That's why I care about him. He accepts me for me, Flaws and all.