I felt a water drop just now.
It's from one of my cups.
Another one is overflowing just now.
Everyday my feelings are bottled up,
Let it be happiness, sadness, anger, and even the feeling of nothing.
I didn't even know that "nothing" had the capability to fill something.
I kept these feelings in cups.
Once a cup is overflowing I'll just have to get another one.
But now,
Another cup is overflowing,
but....
I am not able to carry a cup anymore.
I'm not even sure on how long can i carry these cups that I'm holding anymore.
One of the cups fell down,
followed by another, and another, and another, and another til there's no more left.
I didn't know that I have bottled this lot of emotions.
Well, i guess this is the result of being scared to ask for help.
I felt something strange,
then something happen.
The water grew.
I compressed my emotions too much for me to have more space in my cups and i didn't know that this will happen.
I didn't know that those emotions are as chaotic as this.
The water grew bigger and bigger,
And I found myself drowning in this ocean that I made myself.
I don't know how to swim.
I don't have a clue on how to cope up with these waves of endless sufferings.
I'm afraid to show my emotions as it can be used against me.
I created a wall that isolates my 'self' to the outgoing and busy world.
I find it more comfortable dealing with these emotions all by myself— and right now, i am here drowning all by myself.
I didn't ask for help and I will not ask for it.
I will deal with it all by myself,
Even though I have this longing.
I longed for those people who have been trying to help me carry these overflowing cups.
I longed for those people who have been reminding me that I'm carrying too much cup in me.
But I kept this longing to myself.
I don't have enough courage to ask for their help right now, even if it means being dragged down to the bottom of this ocean alone.
