Étude of Humanity

Afterword

Being someone who has everything is just as difficult and terrifying as someone who has nothing. These two ends of what makes you human are significantly apart, yet suffer the same dilemmas. Sometimes, it's better to be in the middle—not so much knowing nothing and not so much knowing everything, but just the right amount. It's better to just be an average than a top-notcher at school. Knowing everything meant that you reached the end of humanity; it's boring, unchallenging, and makes you want to crave for somethings you don't know. But then, it's difficult to simplify, downgrade yourself, and try to be as human as everyone else when you know everything because everyone expects you to be a better version of yourself moving forward.

Old habits die hard. Being special is hard. Trying to prove yourself to others is hard.

In the real world, every one of us is imperfect. There is no one where you like all of what makes them themselves and there is no one where you dislike all of what makes them themselves. You don't say that you like everything about a person, but realistically, you like mostly about a person.

Mother nature isn't so precise like us humans do, but we're just around the words of being approximate, mostly, and non-binary. Oh, who am I? An SAT English Test?

Imagining an ideal person—let it be a child, a friend, or a lover—is what we all desire. Most, if not all, of us have the same thought or concept of finding for the ones with good traits. We just wanted the good things about themselves, not their bad things. But the world doesn't work that way. There's always the cons that try to outweigh the pros.

Étude, which in music is a musical composition that helps someone perfecting a musical skill, is somehow exactly like that: a story about an ideal person but in a thought that "you know, what if this ideal person knows everything  everything, yet still finds herself trying to perfect herself?" It's like trying to squeeze something that violates the laws of physics no matter how good you are at breaking the law. It's a manifestation where there's no such thing as being imperfect in a world that just doesn't rhyme with imperfection. The title of this book synthesizes so much with Sayre trying to perfect herself even though she's already perfect, but sees her perfection as a hindrance to being human—how it feels like she's left out because everyone isn't in the same league as her—how society tries to take advantage to her even if it means perverting and stripping her morality—how knowing everything meant including both the yin and yang of all things.

Sayre, while having lost her humanity and reason for being, slowly perfected into things that are close to what she lost, albeit not the same things. The scar may be healed, but it is still a scar lingering nonetheless. It's not perfect, but it's close to perfection. Perhaps we're all like that—slowly finding ourselves back to our sanities, slowly making life normal and familiar. We don't like getting lost—we don't like being lost forever, hence our intuition to find our ways back. That's one of our human ingenuities. It's like a universal language that we don't know we were speaking it all along, all this time.

And that is, her étude of humanity.

As the second book I've written in the entire Humanity Series, Étude is like a special sibling when putting Prelude, Opposé, and Interlude together. It's romantic thinking about this as the first book of the series; perfecting oneself before going through the ways of life—before going through the prelude and interlude of a piece. Of course, these books except Interlude can stand on its own (hence, can be read from any order).

Unlike Prelude and Opposé, this book didn't have a particular inspiration, person, or event in mind, but rather, it's like a story for an unknown ideal someone. Like if I were to be forced who was I inspired by this, I'd tell them it's an unknown recipient. But really, I just wanted Sayre to have her own separate story beyond just her being a happy-go-lucky, techie, and maniac wonder girl. It's a fun ride especially characterizing Sayre, being the one character that's perfect as hell—she's practically special—and putting her into the real world.

But seriously though, give Sayre some love. She deserves it after all that she's gone through. Must protecc 🥹

Like in my afterword in Prelude, I thank my parents, my family, my bestest of friends, and all the people that I love for their continuous support (and hopefully you can all read my long stories!). It may be a small word of affirmation or an expression of enthusiasm, but they give me strength! Thank you and I hope you give the Humanity Series a full read!

- Tubasas

Perhaps now a tradition of mine, but if there would be an ending song, here it is!