ISLAMIC WAYS

Etiquette of sex in Islam

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("In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful")

Islam teaches us all things and has brought all good teaching to mankind concerning their livelihood, religion, living and dying, because it is the religion of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.

Sexual relations are among the important matters of life which Islam came to explain and to prescribe proper conduct and rulings which elevate it from the level of mere bestial pleasure and physical desire. 

Islam connects it to a righteous intention, supplications (adhkar) and proper conduct which lift it up to the level of worship for which the Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) explains this. Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) says in his book Zad al-Ma'ad:

Purpose of sex in Islam

Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfil the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes:

The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allah has decreed should be created in this world.

Expulsion of the water (semen) which may cause harm to the body if it is retained.

Fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation.

The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health. (al-Tibb al-Nabawi, p. 249).

And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

“Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haram things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, In your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me. (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasai, 7/61; classed as sahih by al-Hakim)

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him. (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400) (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 251).

Etiquette of sex in Islam

Among the important matters which should be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relations:

1- Having the sincere intention of doing this thing only for the sake of Allah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself and one's wife from doing haram things, to increase the numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honour and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even if he finds immediate pleasure and enjoyment in it. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, O Messenger of Allah, when any one of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that? He (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haram manner, he would be punished for that? So if he does it in a halal manner, he will be rewarded. (Narrated by Muslim, 720).