kill for your love - the hunger games

(079) tender is the night for a broken heart

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

KILL FOR YOUR LOVE.

act three.

(chapter seventy-nine, tender is the night for a broken heart)

a letter.

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

June,

I don't actually know what to say. My head doctor suggested this, to write letters to everyone who isn't... to the ones who aren't here. The ones in the Capitol. Or the ones dead. I would prefer to think of you in the former rather than the latter.

Lord, I wish you aren't in the latter, June. I have too much to say to you and yet, whilst I'm forced to write this letter to get all of those things off my chest, it's not the same as you really being here. And I suppose it's my fault you were taken by the Capitol.

I should have run faster that night. I should have called out louder. I should have been more smart, more calm about that night because if I was, then maybe you would still be here. Fuck, I wish you aren't in the latter. Anyway, June, I have much to say. Too much perhaps, but nevertheless.

I didn't want to be a replacement for your brother. For Justice. Because Justice was yours. He was your twin and I knew you loved him more than any words could describe. He was your other half. I could see that in the way I watched you two. And when you lost him, I knew I had to be there for you. But I didn't want to be a replacement. I didn't want to take upon the role that Justice had. It wouldn't have been fair on him nor you.

So, I would like to think of Justice as your Justice and I as your Finnick. Not the same, but different. Completely different. Because you needed different. At that time, it wasn't healthy to have too much reminders of your brother. But even if you never saw me as a... brother... which, I suppose, is on my behalf since I didn't want to... pressure... you into anything. Pressure? I'm not sure if that's the right word. It's probably not, but you get what I'm saying. Anyway, I'm rambling. What I'm trying to say is that even if you never saw me as a brother, which is completely fine, I always saw you as a sister.

A little sister. A sibling I never had. You are the annoying kid who always gets mad at the tiniest things. Who always scolds me whenever I don't call everyday. Who, despite what she says, cares deep down. And whilst you might say you don't, you do. You might have the biggest heart out of anyone I know.  

And with you being in the Capitol and I in Thirteen, it had me thinking of everything, of every guilty thing that has consumed me. What if I had called more? I am sure there are days that I have missed and so it makes me wonder what fucking weird, but memorable conversations we would have had. And what if I had visited you more? We had only ever, properly, seen each other during the Games and when we were both mentoring.

And that brings another statement I have to add. Three-years. Three-fucking-years. We have only ever known each other for three-years and yet you know me in and out. You know everything. You have felt everything with me. And I with you. You know what makes me tick. I know what makes you tick. I can tell whether you have had a bad day or a good day by how you open up conversations. You know when my heart is not truly in something by the way my brows aren't furrowed tightly when I'm leaning down. And I know, most of all, how big your heart is. How, deep down, you truly care for everyone. And that you, Miss Juniper 'Whatever-Your-Middle-Name-Is' Hale, are the most sensitive, kind person I probably have ever met.

So. Three-years. Three-years and yet we know everything about each other. And it brings it back to what I was saying paragraphs before. You are my sister. You are my sister. And I may not be your brother, which is perfectly fine because as I stated before, I do not want to be a replacement for Justice, but I love you. I love you, June. I love you. As a brother would love a sister. That's how I love you. 

Like someone who loves his sister.

Fuck, this letter-method probably isn't helping. Or maybe it is. Ignore the tear stains please. I don't know what's in this Thirteen air because I've been crying a lot lately.

Is Annie okay? I know she is. If she is with you, I know she is. You've always taken care of her when I couldn't have. And she loves you. And you understand her. And being understood is a thing everyone wishes to feel.

So, I'll be off then. This is probably a waste of time. You probably will never read this, but that's fine. You never know. But this is a load of rubbish, I know, but I really just need to show something to the head doctor because she's really been on my back.

Therapy is a pain, isn't it?

But what I've said isn't any less true. I love you as someone loves their sister. Unconditionally. Fully. Truly. 

So, with love,

Your Finnick. 

(P.S., I know Johanna is in there with you. Take care of her, in the way that you can. She may look like a big ol' baddie, but she's actually really sensitive underneath, like you. 

You know, June, if you got to know her, like really know her, I think you'll like her a lot and she'll like you. You'll both be able to care for each other if I'm not there.)