Secrets I Wished You'd Know by Now

You

I remember.

I remember everything as if time never moved,

I remember everything as if those words you said were engraved in my brain,

with no space left for anything new,

As if my life stopped back then with nothing more to experience,

As if my time to disappear had come by,

But god, he never called me back when i wanted him to.

I wanted to forget everything but he never erased those memories nor words from my head,

But then again, it was no use erasing them from my head,

they had already made way to crush my heart, sunken way too far,

Making it impossible for me to feel anything anymore.

Where's the little me who wasn't anything like this?

Where's the little me who could stand upto you and scream everything she wanted out loud?

I miss her.I miss me.You killed her, do you know? Will you ever know?

You were supposed to love me no matter the circumstances,

But all you ever did was make me feel unlovable.

You were supposed to make me a strong girl,

But all you ever did was break me from within,

Your words still burn me from within,

I wish one day, it burns me into nothing.

You were supposed to make me love myself,

But everything you ever did made me hate myself because your in my blood and i might just grow up to be like you.

I wished i could drain all of you from me but,

But i was made from you and i can see it everyday, and seeing you in me makes me want to kill myself but I'm not brave enough.

I'm not brave enough, maybe I'm not broken enough, maybe  in reality i don't want to do it at all, maybe.

Because this is my life and i do not wish to give it away because of someone else,

I do not wish to die,

before i get to live like i always wished to, like i deserved,

before i get a fair chance at life,
or before i get to fulfill my dreams.

So i still hang by hoping one day everything will change around,

Hoping one day i could actually be happy, make me happy.

Be able to feel anything at least, make myself feel anything at all.

I will live in hope of a day that may never exist,

because living in the hopes of it at least makes me breath.

So I will not let you scream yourself into me anymore,

I will not love you anymore, I've stopped wanting to.

I will stop hating you, I've stopped wanting to.

I will stop it all, but what if I'll never forget? What if your words still haunt me? What if even then,

I remember?