COTE : Three days of happyness

One Who Changed, One Who Never Did

The rain continued into morning. It was heavy enough to serve as an excuse for not moving immediately after getting out of bed. Thus, I had time to think about what I should do next.

While I looked at my “Things to Do Before I Die,” Horikita approached and asked, “How do you plan to spend today?”

I was getting accustomed to hearing bad news out of her mouth, so I waited for her next sentence, prepared to not be swayed whatever she said - but that was all she said, just looking over my list afterward. It didn’t seem to be a question with any deep meaning behind it.

I took another look at Horikita.

I’d thought this since I first met her, but her appearance was, in its own way, rather orderly.

Well, let me come out and say it. Speaking strictly of appearance, she was exactly my type. Refreshing eyes, gloomy eyebrows, tight lips, a pretty-shaped head, smooth-looking hair, nervous fingers, slender thighs - well, I could go on.
Because of that fact, ever since her appearance in my apartment, my behavior was thrown for a loop.

I couldn’t even carelessly yawn in front of a girl who so perfectly matched my tastes. I wanted to conceal my broken expressions and idiotic breathing.

If my observer were the opposite of her - ugly, dirty and middle-aged - I’m sure I’d be able to relax more and think about what the right thing to do was.

But having Horikita here made my overly embarrassed about my warped desires and miserable hopes.
“This is just a personal opinion,” Horikita began, “but do you consider that list to be the things you really want to do, deep down?”

“Well, that’s what I was thinking about too.”

“If I might say… I feel that you’ve made a list out of things which you feel someone else would want to do before they died.”

“You might be right,” I admitted. “Maybe there’s nothing I really want to do before I die. But I feel like I can’t do nothing, so I’m trying to imitate someone else.”

“Still, I feel that there must be a method more suited to you.”

Leaving me with that presumably meaningful comment, She returned to her usual position.
The conclusion I arrived at that morning was as follows.

I need to correct my warped desires and miserable hopes a little bit more. I should think cheaper, more impudent, more vulgar, and spend my last months following my instinct.

What needs repairing at this point? I thought I had nothing to lose.
I looked over the list again, and then, preparing myself, called a friend.

This time, after only a few dialtones, they answered.

I left with an umbrella, but by the time I reached the train station, the rain had stopped - an event which seemed to perfectly define me.

Carrying an umbrella under a sky so clear that the rain prior seemed like a lie felt extremely improper, like carrying around a pair of skates.
The wet roads sparkled. I went into the station as if to escape the heat, but it was just the same inside.

I hadn’t taken a train in a long time. I entered the waiting room, bought a soda from a vending machine by the trash can, sat down on a bench, and finished it in three drinks. Horikita bought mineral water for herself, and chugged it down with eyes closed.
I looked up at the sky through the window. There was a faint rainbow forming. I’d forgotten that such a phenomenon even occurred.

Of course I should have known what a rainbow is like, when a rainbow happens, what people associate rainbows with - but for some reason, I’d at some point forgotten the basic knowledge that “they’re actually real.”