Forbidden Desire | J.JK

6

Alexa

I gingerly push the steamy glass door of the bath open, my senses taking notice of the tantalizing blend of vanilla and coconut that hangs in the air like a fragrant embrace.

As I step out onto the cool tiles, droplets of water cascade down my body. I grab the towel I had prepared beforehand and envelop myself in it.

A hot shower didn't help to scald away any of my frustration. Nor did brushing through the tangles of my hair harder than intended.

I dialed Jungkook's number and tried to reach him after the guilt of my behavior in the club took over me. The mere memory of the look on his face, etched with a mixture of pain and disappointment, relentlessly haunted my thoughts. He looked genuinely hurt even though it wasn't even my intention to hurt him. He genuinely only wanted to help me but all I did was making him feel bad instead of being a little more grateful.

His sudden presence in my life was just so overwhelming to me that I suddenly snapped and just wanted to push him out of my life again.

Countless unanswered phone calls later, I decided that I embarrassed myself enough, shut off the ringer of my phone and threw it into one of the drawers of my desk, hoping the dark corners swallow it whole.

I applied a bit of lip gloss and spread some cream in over my waves before heading to my room to prepare a change of clothes.

The irresistible temptation to reach for my phone and anxiously check if Jungkook has made any attempt to reach out to me consumes my every thought but I refuse to give in. I don't care about him at all. Obviously. The whole thing is only because I have a bad feeling for treating him like that earlier.

I open the curtains of my window. The shining expanse of the city view makes my heart flutter. There are some places, a few memories that I always resort to to calm down, but Seoul is at the top of the list. I owe it all to Jimin, I know that.

It's still hard to believe that a dating app has brought me here. Jimin used to joke about us being the perfect couple to star in a dating app advertisement. Last year, he even had t-shirts made for both of us, inspired by our inside joke, with the slogan: Say hello to new beginnings - start online dating.

We wore the T-shirts all the time, just not outside our apartment.

I missed Jimin. I missed it, to wander with him through the woods and fields surrounding our home, to experience the first day of autumn when we would have breakfast by the open window, sipping coffee with maple syrup and witnessing the leaves wither and eventually fall from the trees. I missed him coming home from work and telling me about his day. I missed the way he would throw his head back when he laughed, and how he would fling his slippers against the foot of the bed before lying down next to me in the evening.

The apartment felt so empty without him. Sometimes, the silence became unbearable for me. Of course, it wasn't always loud when Jimin was still here, but it was a different kind of silence; a peaceful silence that arises when you know each other so well that you don't need to fill the void.

I rummage through my closet in search of some clothes as my eyes flicker to Jimin's clothes, neatly placed on his side of the wardrobe. A memory flickers brightly within me as I spot his gray sweatshirt, swelling until it overlays the present: Jimin and I, jumping over the wet stones at the foot of the cliffs on the beach in Jeju. We scream and leap away when the icy fingers of the tide reach for us.

I was on my way to run up to the house we had rented over the weekend to get some beer, and Jimin, who never wanted to let me out of his sight for even a moment if he didn't have to, wanted to come along. We raced up the rickety staircase of the beach house and laughed so hard we could barely catch our breath.