I CAN SEE YOU

seven

If he sticks his elbow in my way one more time I swear I'm going to stick my steak knife right through his eyeball, and then twist it for good measure. Every single time Max says something he's got to explain it with his hands as well, and since I'm the poor soul stuck next to him that means that my food keeps getting intercepted by his obnoxiously stuck out elbow which he seems to position in the way perfectly every single time.

As tempting as violence is in this moment, I keep reminding myself that I'm at dinner with my boss, and harming his golden child would probably lose me a lot more than just my seat, so instead I plaster a fake smile on my face and just nod along, forcing myself to act interested in whatever nonsense comes out through his monotonous voice.

Once I manage to take my last bite I place the cutlery down, hoping that with it not being in my hands then the temptation to use it is reduced.

"So Madeline." Geri catches my attention. "Congratulations on the two podiums in a row." She kindly smiles from the seat directly across.

"Thank you." I smile back. "It's a great feeling to be up there. It kind of just makes everything worth it I suppose." I awkwardly laugh at the end.

"What do you mean?" She tilts her head to the side and furrows her brows slightly.

"It's just that the path to being in Formula 1 had never been easy, there's a lot of things I had to sacrifice and endure, but standing up there really made me feel like it was all worth it, like I would happily do it all again just for that moment. Have you ever felt like that?"

"Yes." She fondly smiles. "But for me at least I wasn't alone through it all because I had the other girls - they were my rock. Who's your rock?"

Taking a moment to think, I try to wonder who that is for me, but there's only one clear name that comes to mind. "Probably Pierre. He's been by my side through everything, being my biggest cheerleader."

"So, what is he to you? A boyfriend?" She smirks whilst taking a sip of her wine.

"No, no, no!" I panic in disgust. "He's practically my brother. We grew up together and have always been really close. I wouldn't be driving if it wasn't for him."

"I'm just checking." She lets out a hearty laugh at my awkwardness which I feel my cheeks getting red over. "You know what it's like with Formula 1 drivers, their beds are like revolving doors and I just wanted to check if that's your vibe or if you're a long term commitment type of person."

I can't believe I'm having a chat like this with Geri, especially because it's my first time meeting her, but in this short space of time she's almost became the mother figure that I always wanted - a cool mum who you can actually tell what's going on in your life without making you want to die of embarrassment or give you a lecture.

"I'd like commitment it's just difficult with this lifestyle. Since we're always travelling it would either need to be long distance or they would have to follow me around the world, and finding a man who would give up their career for me is too much to ask for." I rant out, taking a sip of my drink to slightly calm me down. "How do you manage it?" I wonder aloud, looking at her with nothing but sincerity.

She briefly looks towards Christian who is still engaged in his conversation with Max, a sad smile settling over her face before she whips her attention back to me. "It's difficult, I'm not going to lie. I miss him tremendously but I'm in a position where I'm lucky enough to travel out whenever I want. The hardest part is the kids. They FaceTime everyday but they still miss him, and then I need to support them even when I miss him so much myself. But we can make it work, we always have and we always will. I suppose trust has a lot to do with it, and love obviously."