Switchblades and Vending Machines (Shizuo X Izaya)

Oh damn

(Shizuo's POV)
I felt my face get hot as I heard him say my nickname. God... How long had it been. Since I had last heard it escape his beautiful lips. I had no idea. I had. Been dreaming of it for what now seemed like forever and to hear that very thing.
But it was bittersweet; it had to happen now. Did he remember the last few days? Did he know what just happened? I don't know but this seemed bad.
He grinned at me with his cat-like smile. I closed my eyes before opening them again.
"What?" I asked.
"That was a nice kiss." He replied with his usual grin. I couldn't tell if he meant it or if it was sarcasm. He always maintained his facial expressions and demeanor so that no one could tell how he was feeling---or at least I couldn't. I pinned him to the bed and threw my hand onto his neck. I began crunching it in my grip.
"iIIIIIZZZZAAAAAYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I yelled at him angrily. We does he always do this. Screwing with my emotions. This is the last time---!
He grinned wider. "Careful Shizu-chan. If you kill me in this hospital you'll get in trouble~" He remarked that while gesturing to the heart monitor.
"You bastarddddddd!!!!!" I yelled while tightening. "One more damn time and I tighten my hand around your neck enough to kill you!!!! You want to die Izaya?!!!!" I asked him while tightening a little. He make a noise signifying his loss of being able to breathe. I grinned wildly. His eyes dimmed and he choked out a laugh. "What's so funny?" I asked while loosening enough for him to talk.
"You..... You're............more....clever than.... I thought." He replied through breaths.
"Clever how?" I asked in confusion.
"You knew I was listening..... You.... Deceived me.... By..... Telling me while.... I thought you thought I was asleep..... That.... You.... Had fallen in love with me...." He said while coughing uncontrollably. I was infuriated; now that he knew.... I had to kill him!!!
"Damn Izaaaaaaaayaaaaaaa!" I yelled I almost snapped his neck when he replied.
"Damn... Me? Damn you." His eyes filled with tears. "You're the one.... Who.........got....my.... Hopes.... Up..... I.... Love..................you--" He replied before choking on his own blood and coughing it up. I looked at him in shock? He.... Loves me? How..... Is that? I had tightened my grip but I realized that I had to loosen it before I killed him. Unless he was already dead. I let go quickly. His eyes were closed. He didn't move. My God I think I've killed him. What have I done? I can't believe he..... Loved me and I killed him! We could've.... Been.... Everything.... We could've.... I-I can't. He's gone and it's my fault. I can't think about what could have been. It hurts too much.
Just then, a noose shocked me out of thought. It was the slow and unsteady beeping sound. He's alive.