Switchblades and Vending Machines (Shizuo X Izaya)

What's going on?

(Izaya's POV)
I woke up to the feeling of someone kissing me ever so gently. Who in the world....? My eyes fluttered open and I saw Shizu-chan sitting on me. I blushed darkly.
"Sh-Shizu-chan!" I said in surprise while hugging him close. This was partly because I had always wanted to and partly because I knew if I hadn't he would've attempted to run away the second he knew I was awake. It was Shizu-chan that kissed me? Why? I looked at him. "Shizu-chan... Who kissed me.... Just now...." I asked him. His face flushed darkly as he looked around for someone else to pin it on, finding no one. He just stared at me. "W-Why?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes.
"I don't know.... You looked cute sleeping like that...." He said to me. I blushed.
"You... Think I'm cute?" I asked him while fidgeting with the fur on my jacket. He averted his eyes from me.
"You looked like a little kid...." He replied. My face paled. All of the color was suddenly drained. A kid? Oh. I guess that makes more sense. I was foolish to believe any different.
"A.... Kid..." I said to him in disbelief. He nodded. I was baffled. So much for that. I sighed. I closed my eyes slowly. "Okay then... I was in the middle of ahold dream so I'll 'be cute like a kid' again and go back to sleep. Good night, Shizu-chan!" I grinned at him before trying to go back to sleep.
I was in the middle of a good dream. However... It wasn't a sleeping dream. I was dreaming that he had kissed me because he loved me.... But of course not. My mistake.
I couldn't stay awake and chat with him. It was too much right now... I had to get myself back to normal---or at least mostly normal----before I could do that. I had to forget the kiss which was impossible. Banish the thought of him loving me which was exceedingly easy. Lastly, I had to try to control myself so that my feelings for him didn't become obvious.
I had to pretend to sleep. I had to clear my mind... I had to test if he was lying. For all it was worth.... Even though he likely wasn't. I had to know for sure.
Not long after I fell asleep I felt his hand on my cheek. "Izaya..." He began. Shizu-chan then laid himself on top of me and embraced me. It was so strong and warm.... It made me feel like there was an unbreakable fortress defending me from the rest of the world. I felt safe.... No matter how ironic it is.
"I wish I didn't have to feel this way.... I wish..... I could've just kept hating you. Like usual. The way I always have. I want to destroy you." He spoke. My heart felt like it stopped. I knew that it was true but it felt horrible hearing it out loud. To say something like that to someone who's sleeping----or who you believe to be sleeping---- must take a whole lot of hate. I knew he hated me. I always did. He gripped my back. "Why.... Why...... I don't understand...!" He shouted. I jumped. He was silent for a few minutes. He cradled me gently now. "Sorry I scared you...." He whispered. My cheeks got hot. He then sounded angry. "Ugh! Izaya! This isn't fair! THIS WASN'T PART OF THE GAME!" He shouted. What game? He then sounded like he was crying as he whispered into my shoulder: "I was never supposed to love you....." I was shocked. What could I do now? Do I fake not to have heard? Do I kiss him? Do I tell him I love him too? So many choices... But which is best?