flowers for Algernon

chapter 17: Ashamed ( Angst and bullying)

April 20

I feel sick inside. Not sick like for a doctor, but inside my chest it
feels empty like getting punched and a heartburn at the same time.
I wasn't going to write about it, but I guess I got to, because it's impor-
tant. Today was the first time I ever stayed home from work.
Last night Joe Carp and Frank Reilly invited me to a party. There were
lots of girls and some men from the factory. I remembered how sick I got last
time I drank too much, so I told Joe I didn't want anything to drink. He gave
me a plain Coke instead. It ta'sted funny, but I thought it was just a bad taste
in my mouth.
We had a lot of fun for a while. Joe said I should dance with Ellen and
she would teach me the steps. I fell a few times and I couldn't understand why
because no one else was dancing besides Ellen and me. And all the time I was
tripping because somebody's foot was always sticking out. Then when I got up I saw the look on Joe's face and it gave me a funny
feeling in my stomack. "He's a scream," one of the girls said. Everybody was
laughing.
Frank said, "I ain't laughed so much since we sent him off for the
newspaper that night at Muggsy's and ditched him."
"Look at him. His face is red."
"He's blushing. Charlie is blushing."
"Hey, Ellen, what'd you do to Charlie? I never saw him act like that
before."
I didn't know what to do or where to turn. Everyone was looking at me
and laughing and I felt naked. I wanted to hide myself. I ran out into the street
and I threw up. Then I walked home. It's a funny thing I never knew that Joe
and Frank and the others liked to have me around all the time to make fun
of me.
Now I know what it means when they say "to pull a Charlie Gordon."
I'm ashamed.