(Draken x reader)Love and war

14

i try to stay busy to keep my mind off of her but everything she's ever touched, everywhere she's ever sat or stepped is haunting my thoughts. Little things remind me of her all the time. That geeky look on her face when she made her first shot with a gun, the way she got flustered when i was teaching her, her witty comments and weak comebacks. I remember every little detail. 

"i love you...."

"now why'd you have to go and say that?"i grumble, i feel my heart pang in my chest, a feeling that's plagued my body and soul for the past two weeks. it's because i remember everything that i can't let her get involved in this, i can't let her get hurt.

Not again ... never again.

flashback

i sat on the edge of the bed, deep in thought. a battle between my heart and head. I don't want her to leave, but i know she has to. Can she stay if i do a better job of protecting her? But what if i can't.

her pain stricken face flashes across my mind. The night i brought her home. That look on her face .... that was my fault. I failed to protect her.

what do i do.

"You okay?"

as if she could sense my thoughts were trained on her, she appears in the room. i look at her again, memorising everything about her. I've made up my mind, i have to protect her. There's no other option than to let her go.

"Yeah i'm fine." i tell her. "Can we talk?" i ask.

"Yeah sure, lemme just handle this." she replies.

****

"Nothing good comes from being around me y/n, forget about me." I tell her, my breathing becoming unsteady.

Go home, listen to me.

"i can't" she yells.

please y/n

"And why not!" i yell back.

"because.... i love you."

Don't say that...

"well stop, coz' it's never gonna happen." i tell her monotonously.

i'm sorry...

"Draken .... please tell me this is some sick joke." she whispers, my heart aches. i want to tell her it's not, but i can't, i won't put her in harms way again. i bite my lip to stop my self from saying another word, the pressure from my canine pierces through my skin causing my lip to bleed.

i'm so sorry...

"Fuck you, ken." she says as she leaves me on the balcony, alone. i finally release the breath i've been restraining.

i'm sorry.

"I love you, too, y/n." i whisper.

BACK TO PRESENT

The night she walked through the door replays in my head like a bad dream. I groan loudy running my hand through my hair.

"Damn man. You look like shit." Mikey tells me playfully.

"shut up." i deadpan.

"Still thinking about her." he asks, taking a seat on my desk.

"i said shut up." i say again, avoiding answering his question.

"kenny, i've known you my whole life. We have to talk about it at some point." he says concerningly.

"What is there to talk about, she's gone, mikey. I did what i had to do, it was for the best." i admit.