Ever since I met you

Chapter 1

I am alive. The freshly faint, small scar on my left forearm. I am sitting on a bed in a hospital. My poor mother sitting opposite of me looking all anxious. It isn't the first time, the few more similar scars decorating my two arms tell the story. I don't know what she is expecting the doctor to tell her. Everything is clear as day. Nothing will change. Not like I think it would. When will he be back?

My prayers were answered as the doctor entered the room.

"Mr. Hewitt, it isn't the first time I've had you both in this office and for the same reason. We all know nothing is getting better and I think we all know it is a very serious problem. Maybe going to more therapy appointments would be good and I will prescribe a new doze of the antidepressants."

"Is there more that could be done?"

"Not unless Lucas wants to get better himself. Maybe knowing more as to why this even developed."

"Thank you." My mother motioned for me to let me know we were going out. We walked out of the hospital and got into the car. I decided to sit in the backseat. Mom breathed in and out heavily and started the car. Sometimes I would look at the rearview mirror to look at my mom, who would occasionally be caught looking at me through the same mirror. Got home, a small apartment me and both of my parents shared. I left my mother in the living room and I walked to my bedroom. It is small but enough space for my things. My room is messy but I tend to say I will clean it soon but that soon never comes and I just repeat my own words again and again. I laid on my bed and examined my own arms, the scars. Today I was again at the doctor's office as a regular check up and to maybe see my progress or see how worse or nothing had happened after the previous check up.

Either way it isn't anything new. My father will be back sometime in the evening. The best thing about today was that I skipped school just for the appointment which is amazing but not so good for my mom since she had to skip her shift for that. I really should do my homework but I won't, I am not even that good, homework doesn't help, so why should I do it then? Better be on my phone and just watch videos for hours and stay up late doing something.

The time flew by and I heard the front door open and by the steps I knew my dad was home and it meant dinner will also come very soon. I am still deciding if I will be hungry to eat or even if I want to eat, maybe I do. And so I was called later for dinner. I sat down and putted the made food in my bowl, it was soup and it was my favorite. Usually after check ups my mom likes to cook something I like which I appreciate a lot.

"How did the appointment go?" Dad asked.

"Like always." Mother answered. I am quiet almost all the time, at home, at school, basically anywhere really. We ate dinner in silence. Once I was done I quietly went back to my room and as always after I leave my parents talk, I have heard numerous times the conversation is likely about me, my well being. I should be doing my homework but I went on my phone again. I didn't even notice how time went by and it was time for bed, I wasn't plan on sleeping just yet. Once I thought my parents were both asleep, I walked to my desk and turned on the desk lap and took out my special notebook and my preferred pen. Thoughts and ideas started to run in my mind and I wrote as many as I could. From those ideas I started to write a poem, kind of a poem.

I like to do this during the night, sometimes at school or during the breaks. This is basically the only activity I like doing and believe I am pretty good at it. Rarely I do other things. This night was fairly productive with my writing. I am quite happy with myself. Sleep was still something I didn't want to do, so spend the time on my phone. Not sleeping isn't good but being on my phone isn't the best solution too. It harms some of my thoughts as my therapist had said numerous times. I do not listen or just remember the saying just as I started or finished doing that.