STARGIRL, alexia putellas

1. stupid delusions

'The out and proud LGBTQ+ footballers in the WSL' blared the article. Nice graphics, were about one of the only things I could think of in that moment. The arrant difference between this page and all the other speculations of which women's football players were gay or not was that this one had nice graphics. I suppose another difference was that it wasn't a speculation, this time the writer was confident - and probably correct.

Once again, it was one of those late afternoons. Me, appearing completely mismatched to my occupation as I slump into my bed. Favourite oversized hoodie is on, edamame beans with sauce to my left, discarded MacBook to my right and phone in hand. I look more like a made redundant and severely depressed waitress with a trust fund rather than a footballer/model. I like to put the slash-model in because it makes me sound cooler. Yes, I too cannot believe I just admitted that.

Don't ask how I came across this article in the first place, I blame TikTok entirely. Anyone who is an avid TikTok addict will know the confusion of how you ended up on a website that sells candles in the shape of RuPaul after watching one thirty second video of a girl trying self-tanner as a bronzer. Not that I wouldn't buy the candle, knowing me I probably have an exact replica somewhere in the house. I have a lot of odd, rather gloopy and weird things in my particularly angular house.

Scrolling down this rather jazzy article, I see the first one is Beth Mead. Beth is absolute class, she's dating Vivianne Miedema, the Dutch girl in the Arsenal team. I'm close with both of them, maybe Beth more since we train a lot together - or used to, I guess, so I see more of her. Whether that's a blessing or a curse I have no idea - I suppose I really got to know Beth from Leah since they were incredibly good friends. Most of the older girls in many different teams I know now because of Leah, not that there's a clear divide however there's an element to it.

The next one was Rachel Daly, obvious. Then Mapi Leon, also blatantly obvious. Perhaps even more obvious because Mapi was dating one of my best friends, Ingrid, who was also on the list of overtly athletic 'sinners'. Again, I like Mapi and Ingrid, I like all the Spanish players - at least the ones I've met so far. That'll be two, maybe four if you count the ones that left. I suppose I have to like them if I'm moving to Barca.

Admittedly, I like some of my teammates more than others, but you can't dislike anyone as there's simply nothing to dislike. All the girls are friends on some level and that was just the way it was. Finally, after much tireless scrolling, I found my name. 'Isabela Arias, the twenty-four year old striker for Arsenal is eminent for both her elegantly impenetrable tricks and fearless goals. Whilst also being known for her glamour and terrifyingly hilarious personality, she was named this year's WSL's player of the year and performed an incredible fourteen minute hat trick in September 2021. Arsenal's manager, Jonas Eidevall says, "The journey of Isabela Arias, I am confident, will not disappoint."

Laughter. That was my honest response. Not because none of it was true (I'm gayer than Leslie Jordan for Christ's sake) and not because they were completely milking my name since I made my debut, but because it was utterly nerve-racking. To hear a quote from your own manager about yourself is so bizarrely scary. I was also laughing because this anonymous (for now) writer thought I was terrifying.

Modelling and football, especially football, has taught me to keep my expectations (not my aims) as humble as possible if you want to achieve. Only now was it truly, truly getting good. I'm at the stage in my career where being overly self-effacing is pointless, staying at your level and not getting too haughty nor self-deprecating is usually the best way to go if you don't want to get slammed by capricious forty plus-year olds in the Guardian's Weekly Magazine. There was and is an immense difference in getting above yourself and working to be above where you are.