STARGIRL, alexia putellas

25. when love turns cold

Last week's training for the UEFA Women's Champions League felt like a montage from the Hunger Games or something. Enough sweat to water a garden, sore muscles, and the occasional profanity thrown at the ball for good measure - additionally some heavy contemplation on adopting a sedentary lifestyle with a perpetual supply of snacks. But hey, it's the price you pay for being a part of the football elite, right?

I'd give anything to say it was a simple disagreement, something that fizzled out after a few raised voices and a couple of eye rolls. But no, this was more like a series of marathon debates with no end in sight, and I didn't even have my running shoes on.

It all started innocently enough-Alexia's increasing workload piling atop her already intense training routine. I mean, I get it, she's a powerhouse, but there's only so much one person can do before they start to resemble a grumbling sleep deprived bubble that's ready to burst with snappish remarks.

"Ale, seriously, you need to take a break," I'd say rubbing her back as she hunched over her MacBook on the sofa, trying to convince her that sleep wasn't a myth, but an essential part of human survival.

But of course, Alexia being Alexia, she'd fire back with something about seizing opportunities and not squandering time. As if a catnap in the late afternoon was the epitome of wasting away your dreams in lethargy.

"It's not just about work, Bella," she'd argue, those dark eyes blazing with determination. "It's about making things happen."

I get it, I do. Ambition is her second language, but sometimes I wished her first language had a few more phrases in self-care and relaxation.

Then the arguments escalated. Each night felt like a showdown between my concerns and her unyielding resolve. Conversations turned into squabbles, squabbles into heated debates, and, well, heated debates into a series of dramatic exchanges that would make reality TV producers envious. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't affecting us. The strain was evident, the air between us thick with unspoken worries and the haunting question of whether we'd find common ground again. Often it felt like she was either all passion or all work, and that our relationship had been reduced to the occasional hour of conversation and then intense intimacy - where was the tender love? Where had it gone?

Chopping tomatoes in the kitchen, my mind wandered aimlessly, numbly - my 'feel good' playlist falling upon my ears deaf from my own thoughts. I half-acknowledged Alexia sauntering in, her hair always looking so perfect.

She made her way behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and her lips finding the nape of my neck. This soft display of love was just what I needed but I didn't let myself melt further in, Alexia must have sensed this as she sighed and leant her head upon the back of mine. I could feel the tension in her touch, the silent plea for understanding. A familiar routine, yet the weight of our ongoing dispute lingered like a stubborn shadow.

"Can we not do this right now, Bella?" she murmured, her voice a mix of exhaustion and frustration.

"Alexia, we can't keep avoiding it," I replied, my tone sharper than intended. The stress of the ongoing conflict had left its mark on me, an invisible armour that shielded my vulnerability. "It's affecting us, Ale. You're barely present when you're here, and when you're not working, you're thinking about work."

She sighed, her grip tightening for a moment before releasing as she leant against the counter, I was still focused on the vegetables but her focus was entirely on me. She cupped my face in her hands and I turned to face her, my gaze meeting hers in a silent plea for reassurance.

"I just need to focus on this project, Bella. Once it's done, we can have a break, go somewhere, do whatever you want."

"Alexia, it's always 'after this' or 'once that's done.' I'm tired of waiting for a future that never seems to arrive."

She threw her hands up in exasperation. "What do you want from me, Bella? I can't just-"

"I want to feel like I matter to you as much as your career does. Is that too much to ask?"

The space between us was broken as she came forward to stroke my hair in reassurance. "Amor, please. You do matter to me but so does the career we both are tied into. Its not like you don't see me we're with each other like every day." Her hands reached mine but I couldn't help but step back.

"I see you, Alexia yes but..."

Alexia came after me again in attempt to hold me. "And we live together, we train together - it's not like we don't have sex anymore I mean come on-" I could tell by the glint in her eyes and where her hand placement was, where this was going, but I wasn't willing to let it go there.

"Can you just listen to me?" I practically exclaim. Causing her to stop and step back, she ran her hand through her hair in frustration and looked up.

The room fell into a heavy silence, the tension thick enough to cut with a blunt knife. Alexia's eyes flickered with a mix of frustration and something else, something softer that she was desperately trying to suppress.

"You knew who I was when we started this," she stated, her voice quieter now, almost a plea.

"Yeah, and I thought you'd choose me once in a while," I shot back, my own voice a mixture of anger and hurt. "Ale, I miss us. I miss the simplicity of just being together without the weight of the world on our shoulders."

She looked at me, a mixture of guilt and determination in her eyes. "Bella, this is temporary. Once we get through this, things will be different. Better."

"Temporary feels like forever at the moment." I mutter under my breath.

Her retort, laced with passion and a dash of stubbornness, hit hard. "I'm doing this for us, Bella. For our future." I wanted to argue that our future needed a bit of present too, but the words stuck in my throat like an overcooked meatball.

I wanted to believe her, but the doubt lingered like a stubborn stain. "I just don't want us to lose what we had, you know?"

A flicker of sadness passed through her eyes, and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of the Alexia who once prioritized our connection over everything else. "We won't lose it, stargirl. I promise."

In the midst of it all, there was a silent promise-I'd fight for us, even if it meant wading through the trenches of arguments and late-night debates. Because when love's at stake, even the most stubborn hearts can find a compromise. At least, that's what I hoped for.