STARGIRL, alexia putellas

24. leah

All the time I thought I had, all the months I thought would roll on slowly, seemed to slip through my fingers along with the memories that were each bitter and sweet (mainly sweet). 

Alexia's family, much to my surprise, had taken a liking to me. Eli, with her stoic exterior, had shown a rare smile and even offered a compliment on my choice of wine during a family dinner. Alba, on the other hand, had decided we were "soul sisters" after we both enthusiastically agreed on the superiority of cats over dogs. Maybe this was what a functional family felt like, and the thought lingered in my mind like a distant dream.

Then there was the hiking trip, a joint venture into the Pyrenees mountains —an experience I'd gladly trade for a root canal. The air was thin, the trails were treacherous, and my definition of a good time did not involve sweating profusely while navigating steep inclines. But Alexia, with her enthusiasm for all things outdoors, managed to turn my complaints into laughter. It was the kind of shared misery that somehow made the journey more enjoyable. She revelled in the challenge, while I dragged my feet, metaphorically and literally. Who knew nature could be so... vertical?

But, of course, we balanced the scales with a romantic weekend trip to Paris—a city that knew a thing or two about enchantment. We strolled along the Seine, savoured croissants in quaint cafés, and admired art in the Louvre. It was a stark contrast to the outdoor odyssey and an excuse to buy exclusively french champagne and macrons simply because it was Paris.

However, life wasn't all scenic views and candlelit dinners. Fights, as inevitable as the changing seasons, had punctuated our days. Over mundane things like whose turn it was to do the laundry or the acceptable amount of time one should spend on the phone. Yet, the stormy clouds of disagreement always gave way to the calm after, with apologies and laughter echoing through the apartment like a reassuring melody.

In the quiet moments, as I lay in bed with the city's distant hum as my lullaby, the thought settled in—the realization that Alexia might just be the last girlfriend I ever have, , a thought both liberating and terrifying. What started as a presumed couple-of-months fling had morphed into something more. Something that felt permanent, even in the impermanence of life.

But anyway, let's not get too philosophical. Like Mila said, "you've got a good thing, don't get overwhelmed by it's pure goodness and throw it all away." As the kids would say, I think that would have to be my roman empire. 

The game I had been dreading all season had finally arrived - the Arsenal game. The match where I would be playing for the first time against my old team, along with my beloved old teammates. It was the match where I would come face to face with Leah again, and to be honest, I couldn't even to think of something to say to her. We had been so close for so long, I mean, I had a crush on her for christ sake... moreover she apparently had an alleged crush on me according to Beth and Viv? But I haven't spoken to them on the phone for ages. Nor Leah. I've only texted the Arsenal girls like them and Jen, Lia, Lotte, Katie, Jill etc... Leah hasn't even sent so much of a text. So honestly, it's on her if it's awkward. 

Now, it was time. Arsenal vs. Barcelona. My current teammates vs. my former teammates. And Leah—oh, Leah. The person who used to be the highlight of my match days, and now, well, now I could tell it was just going to be a jumble of unresolved feelings, awkward glances, and the bitter taste of what could have been.

Ingrid shot me a glance, her eyes reflecting understanding. "You got this, Bella."

Sure, I got this. Easy peasy. Just play against your old team, face the girl you once had a crush on, and try not to let it affect your performance. Piece of cake.

"Of course she's got this." Alexia's arm found it's place around my waist. "It's only Arsenal, after all."

For some reason a pang of guilt coursed through my veins. Only Arsenal? Only the team that had taken me in and made me who I am today? I couldn't help but feel annoyed that Alexia made that remark. But I suppose at the end of the day you just have to put your past behind you and move onwards and upwards. Plus, when you're at Barcelona you play to win. Simple. You don't play for nostalgia.