Caring wings

X : insecurities

May 3rd

I just arrived at the hotel where all the Eurovision participants would stay to. All the travelling and emotions literally exhausted me.

I woke up super early not to rush myself to get ready, then my first flight to Paris got delayed an hour which stressed me out because I was scared I would miss my second flight to Liverpool, and then I had complications to have a taxi.

Fortunately I wasn't alone anymore once I arrived in Paris but still, this journey felt like it would never end.

And now here I was in the hall of my hotel and with my two enormous suitcases that I could barely carry, with two huge bags : one for essential items and one for all my school furniture that I had to bring with me to do my homework.

Anyone could tell by the look on my face in which state I was. I looked so tired (but I always do) and anything could get on my nerves very fastly and easily.

All I wanted right now was a bed in which I could dive on.

Alex is doing my check-in for me because first I wouldn't be able to do it by myself and second I am too tired for this.

I'm waiting next to her, struggling not to close my eyes, while the check-in is being done. I'm so impatient that I start to walk around a bit like to explore the area but my conscience was not really there.

Suddenly, I feel someone patting my shoulder, to what I startled of fear.

I immediately turned around to see the culprit of this action. I was surprised to see someone almost my size, but I wasn't surprised of who was in front of me.

The man bursted out laughing while I recovered from my fear, my hand on my heart.

"My god, you scared me !" I stated as if it wasn't obvious.

"That was the point" he said, a grin forming on his lips.

I was quickly put into a hug by the brown haired man who was no one else than Bojan.

"You okay ? How was your trip ?"

"Long as hell. I thought I would never arrive here" I answered while covering my eyes with my hands.

"Well your face says it all" he says giggling.

"Are you trying to tell me that I look dead or what ?"

"No..." He says while looking away but his little smile says the complete  opposite.

"It's funny how yesterday I was still at school and now I'm in Liverpool for the biggest contest ever"

"What do you mean you were still at school yesterday ?" He seemed surprised by the most random fact

"Yes until 5:30 pm to be specific"

"Wow, I could never manage to do both"

"That's because boys can't multitask" I teased him.

He was about to respond when Alex called me back because the check-in was done.

"I gotta go" I told him and took all my luggage that was on the ground.

"Okay sleep well little multitask princess" he waved at me.

I pretended to be shocked as I smiled and then put my hand before my mouth.

As I turned my back at him and started walking towards Alex, I couldn't help but let a little grin form on my face. His last words could mean nothing to other people, but somehow it made me feel a bit more confident. More accepted. More significant.

When I entered my room, I immediately threw all my bags on the ground and collapsed on my bed.

I still had the strength to change into my pajamas. I went in the bathroom and my eyes caught my reflection in the mirror. I wish they never did.

I know how I usually look when I'm tired, but thinking about how people saw me like this, how Bojan saw me like this, made me feel miserable.

Suddenly I lost the little confidence I had in myself, it's not like I've got a lot before.

I felt my eyes tearing up as I was staring at my eyes. It's almost like I was disgusted of myself.

I couldn't believe that millions of people will see this on their screen or live. I still wonder how it is possible that french people agreed to choose me, to choose this, to represent their own country.

I forced myself to continue my night routine, until I got to bed. I wrapped myself in the blanket, thank god I'm alone in this room.

My emotional support right now was a sweater that belonged to one of my best friends.

Actually each of them insisted on lending me a cloth, so that I could remember them during the journey. I miss them so much, I really hope they'll be able to come support me the day of the final. Otherwise I think I'm gonna have a mental breakdown, if I won't get one even before.

My second emotional support was my teddy bear. The one that my lost grandma offered me. When she gave it to me, I didn't know how important it would become in the future. I'm glad I still have a memory from her to hold on to.

I want to make her proud of me. And I'll draw into my strengths to do so.

A/N

Hello again!

I know it's been almost 2 months since the last chapter and I'm so sorry about it :( I've been so busy with school that writing was complicated and I quite lost my motivation and inspiration during that time but now that I'm on vacation, I'll try to write again. However I don't promise you that I'll be very active.

(I hope there will still be people reading this)