𝙢𝙮 𝙩𝙮𝙥𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙨𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 ༉‧₊ 𝙠𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣

12

kuroo's pov;

it was night. almost midnight. almost.

the fact that we had today off was probably a coincidence. it was probably what kenma had hoped for. if today wasn't gonna be off miraculously, i'm pretty sure kenma would've just skipped work. because that's the type of person kenma was. always running away, always hiding. always thinking that he doesn't deserve what he gets.

in the past three months that i spent with kenma, i realised one thing for sure; he was so mesmerising, yet so far away.

but it's not like i could ever say that to his face. i could say anything to him without thinking, but the thought that i realised over months was too hard to say out loud.

never in these past months did i ever think that i won't be able to say something to him related to how i felt. but yet again, never in my entire life did i think i'd feel nervous around someone, that my stomach would flutter upon hearing their voice, and that i'd lose sense of what self respect means when it comes to them. which is stupid, and i know that. i know everything. yet still, i felt drawn to him. yet still, i felt like loving him was okay, even if i'll never be the one he chooses to spend the rest of, or at the very least, a part of his life with.

different thoughts clouded my vision, but these days it wasn't unusual. i was used to it. i knew, that every night when i go to bed, my mind would be clouded by the thoughts of him. it felt like a part of my routine now, and thinking about how it most probably wasn't the same for him did hurt a little. but he didn't owe me this. he didn't owe me anything at all.

staring down at the little red pieces of paper scattered all over the floor probably wasn't a good idea. because immediately after that my eyes snapped to the alarm clock on my bedside table.

11:49 pm.

and immediately after reading the time, i sprinted over to the front door of my apartment room. i unlocked it silently, careful not to make any noise as i stepped out of my room and into the dark, silent hallway. i carefully stepped forward, and crouched down in front of the door to kenma's apartment room. i turned on my flashlight, looking for the switch to the fairylights i put around his door a few hours ago.

this was stupid. i wasn't even sure if he'd be awake at this hour. i wasn't even sure how he'd respond. but still, i took another glance towards my phone's screen.

11:56 pm.

i took in a deep breath, almost all of the nerves in my body electrifying as i rang the bell to his room. a minute passed, after which i heard the creaking of another door from the inside, and kenma muttering something as he stomped over towards the door.

11:58 pm.

"who is it?" came his voice from the other side, setting my heartbeat racing.

"it's me," i replied, gathering up whatever courage i had. from the other side of the door, i could hear him sigh audibly.

11:59 pm.

the clanking of one of the many locks he'd put on his door could be heard from the outside. with each second that passed, my heartbeat sped up, my face began to grow warm, as my toes curled due to the anticipation of what awaited me.

the door finally swung open, revealing kenma standing there in his pjs, his hair tied up into a half ponytail with huge dark circles under his eyes.

12:00 am.

"what are you-" i cut him off before he could finish as i grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the hallway, wrapping my arms around him so he doesn't feel cold.

"happy birthday," i whispered into his ear, my face completely warm as my grip around him tightened.

in that moment, i didn't know if this was okay. in that moment, i didn't know if he'd ever allow me to be this close. i hope he'd forgive me for probably invading his personal space. because i didn't know what he was ready for just yet, but i didn't want to bother him about it either.

a moment passed and he didn't move or hug me back.

so i did invade his personal space after all.

as soon as my grip on him loosened and i was about to move back, i felt him tugged onto the hem of my sweater.

"thank you," his voice came out small, probably because his face was hidden in my chest due to the hug. or probably because he was just embarrassed.

whichever one it was, the way my heart started beating at that wasn't something i could casually find an explanation to. do all people feel this when they realise they actually love someone?

were i so lucky that i got to experience it too?

everything seemed to pause for me in that moment as i leaned in towards his ear, my heart beating out of my chest as i whispered.

"was i the first person to wish you?"

he seemed to stiffen up as he pulled away from the hug, pushing me away a little.

"you're literally hugging me at 12:00 a.m. even if someone did wish me, i wasn't able to check their text," he sighed softly, shaking his head a little, making me let out a laugh.

"i'm sorry," i said, giving him a sly smile. he looked up at me and shook his head, biting down on his lip to not smile probably.

the most mysterious thing about kenma so far was that i had never seen him smile. i had made him chuckle, i had seen him with tears in his eyes... yet i had never seen him smile.

and immediately in that moment, it became a goal in my mind to make him smile. out of all the smiles he would ever pass to people, i want one directed at me.

"go to sleep," he whispered softly. my face heated up as i put my hand in his hair and ruffled them roughly.

"you too. i can tell you were playing games all day," i said before turning around and heading back to my room.

(a/n); helppp im so sorry i disappeared for like... a year?? 😭😭

im back though:3 (hopefully) thank you so much for 10.7 k on my other fic?? i genuinely love yall so much T^T <3

stay safe and don't forget to drink water

until next time~