Ship/AU One-Shots

Fuck Up

TRIGGER WARNING.

This includes self harm and suicide so if you struggle with those please don't read this. I hope all of you the best.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

That link is a website that gives you the number for life lines in your country.

STAY SAFE.

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Dans POV.

I fucked up.

So.

Many.

Times.

I'm worthless.

I'm nothing.

The pain from my head and from my arms can be un-bearable.

But so what.

I don't post videos as much anymore but I don't care. My fans know I love them.

But I hope they love me back.

I was reading the comments on a video.

"Ugly"

"Gay"

"KYS EMO FAGGOT"

That's it.

I open my drawer and see a silver blade staring at me. I run to the bathroom and lock myself in.

"If they think I should die, what's stopping anyone else from thinking the same?" I thought.

I pull up my sleeve and see hundreds. No. Thousands, of cuts. Some shallow, some deep. I roll my sleeve up farther to see my right arm is completely covered. So I move over to the left arm. The same story. I realized I cut to much on my arms.

"Dammit Dan. You're such an idiot. Just like everyone says." I say under my breath.

I sigh deeply and pull my pants down just so you can see the tops of my thighs.

They're clean.

Not a single mark.

They're like paper. My razor is the pen. And I'm the deranged artist.

I bring my razor to my leg and begin bringing it along my skin. I lift up my hand to see a cut about an inch long and red liquid slowly pouring off my leg onto the bathroom floor. I do this for about 5 minutes. I don't know how many cuts there are and I don't care.

I clean off my leg and the floor and pull my pants up. As I begin to head to my door I break down crying.

Sobbing.

Loudly.

I cry for about 2 minutes until I hear a soft knock on the door.

"Dan?" A kind voice says from behind the door.

Fuck Phil. I forgot.

Phil is the only thing in this world that keeps me going. He can't see me like this. He can't know. He can't.

The thought of this makes me cry harder.

"Dan, I'm coming in."

No no no.

Phil unlocks the door and slowly opens it to find me curled up in a ball on the floor sobbing my eyes out.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry...." I say over and over.

Phil looks around and processes everything that's going on. He looks at the bloody razor blade on the counter and the toilet paper roll on the floor. He was confused than he realized what's going on.

"Dan. Roll up your sleeves." Phil says calmly.

"What? Why?" I protest.

Phil sits down next to me and doesn't say anything. He just looks at me.

I sigh and slowly roll up both of my sleeves. I cry even harder.

"Dan why?" Phil says in a weak voice.

"Because. There's nothing else that will take away the pain! The words they say. They win. They did it. They beat me and broke me down to nothing!" I nearly yell.

"Who's they?"

"Everyone Phil. They're playing chess and I'm just another pawn they wanna get rid of. And they're right. I don't deserve to be here. You're the only thing that keeps me going. You're the only reason I'm still here. I love you Phil." I said calming down a bit.

"Dan. I-i love you too." Phil said as he began to cry.

I lifted my head up and looked at Phil for the first time. He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead.

I started crying all over again and hugged Phil tightly and dug my head in his chest.

"Stop cutting yourself. Please."

"Okay. I'll try." I said.

That night we slept on the bathroom floor still hugging each other.

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I'm very sorry for writing this. I'll leave now. Heh bye.