Grey's Anatomy/Station 19 imagines

Amelia Shepherd - It's okay

In my Amelia era rn guys I love her sm
Word count:1.5k
Pairing: Amelia x fem!reader
Warnings: panic attack, mention of death/patient loss, tiny angst ig? mostly a comfort fic
!!NOT PROOFREAD!!
Reader is an OB-GYN at Grey Sloan
Request: @wh0reformeredithgrey :
more comfort/sickfics? maybe I really enjoy them or like y/n is having a panic attack or is upset and someone comforts them.
Hope you like it!!

Reader POV:
"Charge again!" I yelled to the scrub nurses around me. They all just stared and did nothing. "Goddammit, did you not hear me? Charge the paddles!" I exclaimed tears pricking at my eyes and panic lacing my breaking voice.
"Doctor, we've been trying to get her back for 25 minutes now, she's gone. You have to call it." Bokhee said to me.
"But-" I tried protested but was cut off.
"She's gone, I'm sorry."
"She's only 16, her and her baby are gone, what am I supposed to tell her parents?" I rambled
"Doctor, you need to call it." Bokhee repeated
"Time of death, 19:37." At that I ripped of my mask, gloves and gown and headed to tell the parents.

As soon as I walked in the room they stood up with hopeful faces. As soon as they saw my state the mother started to cling to her husband and sob.
"I'm so sorry, there was a complication during surgery. Her heart stopped and the cause was her preeclampsia causing a blood clot stopping the blood flow to her heart and it was too quick to prevent. I'm so sorry for your loss." Then he started yelling. All of it was a blur from then in.
"YOU SAID IT WAS A SIMOLE SURGERY!" and so on. He just kept going. The mother still sobbing. Then all of a sudden I saw a blur of beige and then a stinging sensation on my cheek as my face was pushed to the side.

People had seen the commotion and the saw her dad slap me and stepped in. "SIR, STOP RIGHT NOW." Bailey said, escorting the man out. Jo tried to come comfort me but I just stormed off. I needed to be alone. I needed to cry.

Amelia POV:
Today has been really great, I had 2 back to back craniotomy's and both of them went really well; I got paged to the pit and got to poke around in people brain all day and didn't loose one patient. It was amazing.

I'm walking down the hallway to go find my girlfriend so I can gush about all my surgeries to her, but she seems to be nowhere. I've looked in all of her usual spots, looked in OR's, patient rooms I've asked her best friend, Jo, if she knows where she is an she didn't, she just said she ran off after what happened; but I don't know what happened. Is she okay?

I was about to give up and just page her when I see her storming down a corridor and walk into a storage cupboard and close the door. Instantly I knew something was wrong. Storage cupboards are for crying, or getting away from annoying patients. No in between. Y/N is the most tolerant person I know so, I knew it wasn't good.

Trying to walk as fast as I could but not draw attention to myself was hard but I managed. It seemed like forever before I reached the door. I didn't bother knocking because she'd just tell me to go away. When I walked in the was curled up, knees to her chest and head in her hands, crying. No scratch that, sobbing. Whatever happened had to have really hit her hard.

Reader POV:
I lost them. Both of them. Mum and baby. She was 16! She didn't deserve to die, and neither did her kid. It's my fault. All my fault.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard the door swing open and shut and I instantly knew who it was.
"Oh sweetheart. It's okay." Was the only thing she said before she got down on the floor next to me and pulled me into her comforting embrace.

Even though having Amelia here was making it a little better I started to spiral again. My breath started to get thready and I already knew what was coming. My hands started shaking while my heart thumped faster and faster against my chest. I felt like I was going to explode. My chest was getting tight and I started hyperventilating, it felt like I was being suffocated. I started clawing at my arms just trying to feel something other than this emotional pain and feeling that I didn't do enough. Amelia clearly noticed my state and went into action.
"Look at me." She said as she pulled away from the hug and grabbed my hands to discontinue my previous actions.
"Breathe, okay? Long deep breathes. C'mon do it with me. In, hold, and out."

It helped a bit but not much I was still unable to catch my breath.

"Hey tell me about that cat that you wanted?"
"What?" I said back through choked tears and ragged breathes.
"Tell me. Everything I wanna hear it."
"Uhm okay. She's a siamese cat, and she's the fluffiest of her litter. She's got heterochromia, one eye blue and one green, and when she sees me when I go to the adoption place she runs up and headbutts my leg." I giggle at that last part and realise it helped calm me down. I'm still crying but I can breathe now and my chest isn't tight.

I didn't even realise that Amelia had moved my legs so I was cross legged and facing her while she rubbed her hands lovingly up and down my thighs. She was just staring into my eyes with nothing but love and concern.

"Great job baby, you're doing so well, you wanna talk about it, Ii might help?" I nodded and stated talking her through it.
"A teen mum came in, she was 8 months pregnant and 16. She was having pains in her abdomen, it was just a small very minor ovarian cyst that could be removed with a simple procedure that wouldn't affect her or the baby. But, for some reason they failed to mention that she had preeclampsia which I figured out mid surgery so that made me become really concerned because of how long she'd been under and decided that I didn't have time to search to see if the other ovary was clear, I just had to close. Just as I was about to her BP plummeted and she went into full arrest, first I opened her up and saw the clot, I removed it and used internal panels and she came back but it just kept clotting over and over. I shocked her for 25 minutes and they were both gone. The baby died instantaneously when her heart stopped the first time. It was my fault. All my fault. I should've seen the elevated BP indicating preeclampsia in her labs but I didn't, it was so subtle I-" I rambled on when Amelia cut me off.
"No. Okay? No. It was not your fault, they should've told you she had preeclampsia. That's something that greatly impacts how much surgery you can do and how much the mum can take. It wasn't your fault that she clotted either. No one could've prevented that."
"Yeah but I put her body under stress which cause her to clot."
"How do you know that? Do you know that as a fact? Tell me right here right now that you are confident and 100% sure it was because of the stress of the surgery." I stayed silent, the truth is, I didn't know what caused the clot I just instantly blamed myself. Amelia then started talking again.
"Exactly, you need to not be so hard on yourself y/n/n, it's not good for you." I stayed quite and just climbed into her arms and cried.

"He hit me." I said out of the blue after a few minutes of just being in each others presence.
"He what? Who? Where? Are you hurt?" Amelia said becoming protective over me immediately.
"The girls dad, he was yelling really loud and saying horrible things about me, that I probably deserved, and he hit me." I pointed to my red cheek. Not that you could really see in the dim light of the cupboard.
"I'll kill him." She said coldly.
"No Ames, I'm okay I swear. It was just too much, and thank you for helping me through the uh- you know.." I trailed off at the end embarrassed that I had a full on panic attack in front of my girlfriend.
"Y/n/n you don't need to be embarrassed it's completely okay and a natural response. And touching on what you said earlier that you deserved to be slapped, you didn't. It wasn't your fault, okay?"
"Okay." I said back to her as she stood up and helped me off the floor.

As soo as I stood up I was engulfed in her arms.
"I love you so much Amelia." I said
"I love you more y/n."