What Do We Do Now?

11

I went straight to our bedroom and laid on my side, staring at the wall. I couldn't even begin to process what happened, not that I wanted to. So I just laid there in the same position, for however long Delia would let me. Falling asleep, waking up, looking at the food she had brought me in disgust. Delia was an amazing cook and her food always made me feel good. But this was something that could not be solved with pasta or chicken. Delia turned out to be the supreme, I know because she told me before bed one night. She probably thought I wasn't listening since I hadn't moved or made a sound. I hope she knows I'm proud of her.

There's only one thing that gave me courage to get out the bed, trying it again. I know it sounds insane, but I was so disappointed in myself for how I did. I know it's hell and it's meant to traumatize and paralyze you, but I can't live with it. So I waited until everyone was eating lunch to sneak out to the greenhouse. It can't possibly take as long this time, since I know what's coming. I lay down on the table since it's a little more comfy than the concrete floor. I center myself and say the chant, feeling myself fall and travel through layers of earth. This time, I just fell on my face in a room; again it was dark just like before.

I went by memory to the light switch and pulled it turning it on. There she was, rather there she wasn't, there was just blood on the table now. Blood everywhere and not a person in sight or earshot. I walked closer and I was finally allowed to examine the actual room. The tiles on the wall were a mix between light blue and green, I guess you could call it mint. The floor was white with little black speckles on it. The light over the exam table burned my eyes because of its brightness. I walked away and went over to the hidden door. I was met with the same house, only this time I didn't hear anything. I walked all over the house, finally ending back at the kitchen. I leaned against the counter trying to figure out what the fuck was happening. Then I found a note on the counter with Delia's pretty handwriting.

Hello,

I just thought I should let you know Natalie and I have packed our things and left. I can't believe what you did to me and I will never forgive you. I feel stupid for even trusting you and loving you in the first place. Maybe it was all in my head and I desperately wanted to believe so my child could have two parents. In the end we never should've been together and you know that as well as I do. Just fyi I don't wish you well, I hope you rot in hell for what you did

Goodbye y/n

The whole point of this was that I was alone, last time she had died or told me to leave. This time she wasn't on the table and wasn't in the house. The theme this whole time is that I was meant to be alone. That I was going to end up alone and although I knew it wasn't real. I feel like hell is your worst nightmare and if dreams come true don't nightmares too? This wasn't an event that had taken place, they couldn't possibly coexist. If Delia and the baby die then how could they leave me in the future? This all confused me and I decided to come back, this time it took a little less effort.

Cordelia's

I went up to our room to check on y/n for probably the 5th time today and it's only 12pm. I knew whatever she saw was hard for her and I wouldn't push her. She was there for a long time and the time runs differently. I opened the door, prepared to greet her even though she hasn't spoken yet. I saw the bed was empty and part of me smiled, she'd gotten out of bed. Then I realised I had no idea where she was... why didn't she come see me first? I used a location spell to track the bracelet I had given her, which led me to the greenhouse. I wonder what she could be doing in here... I opened the door and felt my blood boil.

This stupid bitch is trying it again, what is she trying to prove? That she wants to kill herself? I stand by her so angry but I stroke her forehead, just hoping she comes back. My anger overpowers and I can't even cry right now but my insides are hurting. Soon after I touch her, her eyes flutter open. No gasping, no clutching her chest, no crying, she just sat up slowly. I still had no idea what she had seen, and no one ever really goes twice, so I didn't know what to do.  "Do you promise to never leave me?" were the first words she said to me in the past week. I looked her in her eyes, "why would you as-" "just answer my question" she said softly but seriously.

"I would never leave you. I love you" I said seriously holding her face in my hands. "Do you mean it?" she asked me seriously, her face not giving away any emotion. "Of course I mean it. I mean it, y/n, I promise you that" I said getting worried. "I love you too" she said but it's like she said it because it was courteous, not because she meant it. "What's happened to you?" I asked the question that had been burning my throat for the past 7 days. "It was horrible. You and the baby died, then I went into another room where you asked me to leave. She was about 6 then, you said that you both hated me and I had to leave. Then this time, you weren't in the room, there was just blood everywhere. You weren't in the house but you left me a note basically saying you didn't love me" she said.

I pulled her into my arms and stroked her back, she still hadn't reacted, at least not outwardly. "There was something that I did that made you really mad and you said you'd never forgive me. That you didn't love me in the first place, you just wanted a second parent for the baby. And that you hope I rot in hell" she said and my heart shattered. "I would never say that to you, baby. I hope you know just how much I love you and how heartbroken I was when I almost lost you. I don't know what I would do without you sweetheart, you make me so happy. I'm not just with you because of the baby, I fell in love with you before that. Please don't ever doubt that and if you do come to me, please" I emphasized.

"I love you so much. Umm also weird request" she started, "nothings weird? my love" I replied. "Don't name the baby Natalie" she said which made me chuckle before I realized. "I'm so sorry, honey, that's just really funny. I wasn't even thinking about Natalie... I was thinking Maria or maybe your middle name. Maybe we could even somehow combine our names?" I suggested and she pulled away to smile at me. It was the first time I'd seen her look into my eyes, let alone smile and it almost made me cry. Fucking hormones! She reached her hands up to my cheeks and wiped away tears that unknowingly escaped my eyes.

"I'm just so happy to see you smile again" I say smiling widely. "I'm happy, thanks to you" she said and we kiss before going back to bed.