Castling: A Novel (NaNoWriMo21)

63. I Want to Go Back...

Later That Night

Why does this always happen?

"So, did you have fun?"

Why do I always get stuck like this?

"Chase?"

Actually, a question I should be asking myself is...

Why do I let this happen?

"You there?" Dad asks.

He's in the kitchen when I finally decide to creep out of my room for a glass of room-temp milk.

"Uh, yeah," I say. "Sorry. Just...needed quiet. It was okay."

It wasn't.

It's the same bleeping problem that's plagued Kieran and I for years, and there's no curing it. I could change schools. I could let our parents tell me until they're blue in the face. I could jump to his house when he wants me to jump. But, when dismissal hits, when my parents are done, when I'm on the car ride home from the east side of town at ten at night, I'll always come to the same conclusion.

Kieran and I can't happen.

"Tired?" Dad asks.

My brain figured it out eons ago.

"Kind of," I say.

So, why can't I?

"Ooh. One party," Mom teasingly says, joining the chat.

After Mrs. Oh My Gosh dropped me off at home, my nosy parents wanted to know all about the party. Mom wanted to know if they fed me. Dad wanted to know if I had a good time. I told them everything when they let me have a word in edgewise. I told Mom about the cake, Dad about losing in basketball, both about the pet fish and cat I met.

Not the bad.

"Did he like the card?"

For the hundredth time...

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Yeah," I robotically say, and return to the comfort of my room.

Is that why I'm still thinking about it?

Gumball got the truth and nothing but the truth. I filled him in on the dark side of the party, Kieran's slung arrow, Max pulling no punches. That's just stepping up for yourself, right? Maybe I've got it all wrong. Telling a supposed "friend" that they suck and doubt their intelligence is just them trying to be helpful, not mean.

"...Not!"

Don't let it bother you, Chase. It's who they are, Chase. Play along!

I pick up my foam ball. "You don't think I know I can't play well?" I toss it aside. "You don't think I know I'm not as outspoken as you? I'm not stupid! So, don't treat me..."

Why...

"Don't. You're smarter than this, Chase."

I know! I get it! I'm smart! Okay? I'm one of the brightest in Esterton. And I'm bright enough to know I don't have to play along anymore.

"Breathe, Chase. You're just mad that you had an argument."

I expect it from Kieran. But, Max...

"Drink your milk. Think...think of something else."

The big summer break is coming. In a month, sixth grade will be over. A tale of two halves will have reached the finish line. One of these days, Mom will bring it up. I'll be tired, and she'll say...

"Oh, wake up! You've got a month! Then, you can sleep!"

This semester will be another blip, a memory I won't be forgetting. So, what does that mean for the future? Will I be going back next year? If I stay...

"It's a great opportunity, Chase!"

"You're gifted! Be proud!"

"No! Chase, I like you!"

"Because you suck!"

"So mature."

Forget everybody in my desktop photo...

"Can you help me, Chase?"

"Are you talking to a plant?"

The plant that Mrs. Tudor...

"You're always welcome back, Chase, anytime, even just to say hi. We'll be here."

I guzzle the glass of milk. It's hitting the spot. I could go for another, so...to the kitchen.

"Don't drink it all," Dad says.

Tell them.

"Heh."

Tell them, Chase.

"Ooh, Moody," Mom says. "Chill out. It's almost June."

I shut the fridge, then grab my glass, watching the milk lap against the lip like water on the rocks. "I want to go back..."