The agency

Chapter six

Tyra
It is my wedding day, but I don't want it to be. Everything about this day is wrong. I had it all planned out ever since I found out what a wedding was. I knew what dress I wanted, what decorations, what flowers. I didn't get to choose anything about my wedding because my mother thought that my choice wouldn't be up to her friends standards. So hear I am in a dress that makes me look like a cupcake hating this hole experience, but I think the worst part of this day by far is the groom.

I haven't spoke to him all week. Once he shut that door he was dead to me. I can't believe that he would be so cruel and say things like that to me. Moving into a new place with new people is hard enough with out him making my life hell.

"You look beautiful." My mum says once she had finished with my dress. I don't I look stupid but this is the best dress according to my mother. "Doesn't she Alessia." Behind my mums back Alessia makes a face and I can't help but smile at it.

Over this past week me and Alessia have become really good friends. I have told her a lot about my life and she has told me about what happened to her and now I have a personal problem with Jett, he is one of the worst men I have ever heard of.

Once mum left Alessia turns to me and says,

"It will be okay." And I try my best not to cry, this is going to be a shit show, I don't want a single part of this. But I have to, for the family.

The aisle looks so long from where I am standing. I don't know how I could possibly walk that far but I know that I have to. My eyes slide over every member of the audience. They are all looking at me like I hold the answers to their prayers. I don't feel like i do. I feel holy unprepared for this moment. It all feels wrong like my life is at an end. My eyes catch my mother's eyes. What should be there is a warm and comforting gaze that helps me down that long aisle, but what I find is something completely different. They are hard and unfeeling. They tell me that if a single thing in this ceremony goes slightly wrong than it is my head on the chopping block. She has never been a supportive mother but I really hoped that she would change on the one day that I needed it the most. I need her to give me a kind look to help me down that long road to the rest of my life but right now all I am getting is cold and unsatisfied, I haven't completed what she set out for me to do. I am scared.

My eyes slowly move to the man that is shortly to be my husband. The man that I am supposed to be with for the rest of my life. But I don't feel anything. I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach that most describe on their wedding day, all I feel is rolling nausea. It makes me want to turn round and run away. Why can't I do this. Why is this so hard. His eyes are kind, so much more kinder than they where the last time we saw each other, he was mad at me for having music on. But now they are giving me the comfort that I needed from my mother to walk down the aisle. He looks at me with hope, hope that this lifetime won't make us both miserable, the same hope that I need.

The audience is still looking at me, waiting for me to make my move. It all feels like too much. The way Mike is looking at me. The way my mother is looking at me. The way Mike's friends are looking at me. It is all too weird. This is far too much. So I start to take some steps back. I'm not ready for this, I'm not sure I ever will be. How am I meant to get married to a man, I have only seen a handful of times. How am I meant to love a man I barely know. I look back at my mother's eyes, and she is mad. I can see the fury and disappointment building up in her. It makes me take some more steps I can't handle this. Why must it be so hard. Why can't it be easy why can't I be like those women who just walk down the aisle and get married. But not me I have to be a fucking coward and run away.

But that's just it, I don't run away. I don't because he's there Mike is there walking towards me. He doesn't look mad that I'm starting to walk away. He's still giving me that same supportive look, the look that I need. The look that gives me the confidence to meet halfway. To give him a small smile to show that I am with him. And he's with me. He puts his finger under my chin and lifts my face up to his, is eyes.

"Don't look at them, look at me, only me." Those few words, give me the courage to do what I have to do, for my family. I have to walk down the aisle.

When I get to the priest, I do what Mike says I don't look at anyone else I just look straight into his blue eyes. They're so warm and comforting why have I never noticed that before. The way they sort of sparkle in the light. When his lips turn into a cute smile, that makes me want to smile back. When I first met him, I thought he was rude. I thought he was abrasive. I thought you was trying to be funny. And while he is all those things, he does have some good spots to him. Like how would I couldn't make it up the aisle he held my hand all the way up, I just noticed he still got a hold of my hand, slowly rubbing little circles on my hand, he is giving me what little form of comfort he can, this one little gesture makes me happy beyond words, that's what I have a future is happy beyond words.

"I do." His voice sends shivers down my spine. That's another thing. I've never noticed his voice is so deep.

Then I realise , it's my turn. I have to say those two little words that mean it's just me and him for the rest of our lives. Those two little words that mean I'm married. I know he was able to say them. But does that mean I am. Am I really strong enough to go through this marriage. Can I wake up with a man every day I know I did not choose him. He was just unlucky enough to be stuck with me. What if he  looked at me every day and thought, if I just said no, I wouldn't be stuck with her. I don't think I can take this weight. The panic start to settle again, my brain is just screaming at me, say those two words, but it's impossible. How am I meant to. I don't know him.

But then I look up in to those damn eyes again, and again, it gives me the courage to say the two words that I need to. To say the two words that mean I am with this man until the day I die.

"I do."