The Fight of Ambivalence ~ Harry Styles

0 - Prologue

Ambivalence is a term that means the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone. People have mixed feelings all the time and some will even argue that the majority of feelings are mixed.

Some people will point out that two things can be true at the same time and yes, that oversimplifies matters, but that one small statement is the essence of ambivalence.

How do people handle mixed emotions?

They can ignore them, tamp them down and try to move on pretending like they aren't there or they can let the strongest feeling lead, but what is the right way to handle things?

Some will argue that no one thing is right for everyone. If that truly is the case then should all rules be followed? Are rules always necessary or is it better to use them as a guideline and let your judgment fill in the rest?

For many, college is a time of ambivalence. It marks the beginning of the rest of a person's life and one of the first times they are in control of their own future. That's a lot to ask of a young person, but yet it is a thing all people go through. Up until that point most decisions are made for them and then they hit a certain age and suddenly all the decisions are in their hands.

Sheila Abrams made her first big life decision when she was in her freshman year of high school. There was a career fair, mostly for sophomores and juniors, but her mom made her go so she could look at the nursing programs they had to offer. Her parents are both nurses, as well as both of her grandmas so when she was growing up everyone said nursing is in her blood. That day she did intend to look at the nursing programs, but fate or something like that intervened and she quickly got distracted by the display next to it.

She found two women sitting at a colorful booth that caught the gaze of her hazel eyes. There were pictures of classrooms and kids and a bunch of handwritten notes from elementary students. She couldn't help herself from smiling brightly as she stood there and read them.

One of the teachers, Mrs. Morai, greeted her kindly. Sheila didn't want to be rude and figured talking to her for a few minutes couldn't hurt. What started as a few minutes ended up being the entire fair and from then on she knew it, being a teacher is what she was meant to do.

Sheila thought her family accepted that she was making her own path, but that all changed when she left for college. Her parents never outright said they're disappointed in her or wished she had chosen differently, but they barely speak to her now. There was no fight or even an exchange of harsh words. Her parents helped move her into her dorm room, but then they left and so went their relationship.

It bothered her a lot at first. Her parents were the only home she ever knew, but through force and necessity she adjusted to her new life. She wanted to fill in those gaps so she started working toward something. She wants to make a difference in young kids' lives and create a safe space for them to dream and learn. She wishes so much she had someone in her life who encouraged her to do what she loved so she's going to do everything in her power to be that for the next generation.

That being said, when it comes to herself, she struggles to ask for help when she needs it.