Golden Gate

Peanut

My brother flew in the next day but I was sad

It was my BIG BROTHER, my ROLE MODEL. But I didn't say a word to him

"Hey sis" he said as he hugged me. I hugged him back but as much as I hate to admit it, it seemed like the most resistant hug ever.

The next few days he stayed but I didn't talk. Not to him, not to anyone. It wasn't only Justin. I froze out this time. It was everyone. It was Addie, it was Stacy and it was surprisingly Aiden.

Aiden knew something was wrong. So after a week of him being over, he said "Hey I'm leaving tomorrow, wanna go for a drive?". I felt bad I hadn't talked to my best friend for the one week he was here so I said yes.

We drove for a bit and played music, but I didn't vibe to it, not how I normally would.  He pulled up at the same ice cream place that Justin took me to. I tried to ignore that detail and moved on.

We walked inside. My brother got cookies and cream and I got salted caramel. Halfway into the ice cream, I could tell the silence was killing him. So I started the conversation "So how's college going?". He put his spoon down and said "Fuck college peanut!". (Peanut was the nickname he used on me) "How are you doing?" I knew he meant it in a way where he wanted me to confide in him. So I did. I had a mental breakdown in the middle of the place "I had a break up" I said as I started crying and hugged him. 

We walked out of the place, took our ice cream to go, and sat on the park bench. "I had my first kiss and think my potential first love but I'm too scared Aiden!." He looked at me with this side of him I'd never seen before "Scared of peanut?". "I'm scared he's gonna leave me like Dad did. I replied

He hugged me and said "I know dad's hurt you. he hurt us all but you cant never put your guard down ever again just because of our bullshit of a father. Not everyone's gonna leave you. I mean look at me I'm still here, and so is mom. ALWAYS." He smiled at me I hugged him tighter than ever while taking the hugest bite of my ice cream which got me to a point of brain freeze.

"But that can't be the only reason," he said looking at me. "It's not". Confidning in my brother was something I was always okay with it. He was the person I trusted most out of everyone. That was one thing that would always stay constant. So I told him everything that happened in the past two months. after that, I said, "I can't hurt myself, I have to protect whatever i have left of me."

He pulled away, held my shoulders, and said "Look at you peanut, You're heartbroken. This guy loves you too and I can tell you love him from just the way you talk about him. Youre hurt so what was the point of not trying to get hurt later? Talk to this guy, please? For me?"

"I love you so much". I said to him and of course he said it  back "I love you too peanut."