without you - max verstappen x charles leclerc

-Chrash-

Charles leclerc

Before I got to the Monza GP I went home to see my mom. She wasn't doing well. Even tough she said she is. The doctors said that she has heart problems and that there is a change that she isn't surviving this. I wanted to stay with her and just cancel the GP but she insisted me to go so I can win this. I mean it is Monza, Ferraris home race, so it would be nice to win it with all the tifosi there. At the end I gave in and packed my stuff to go to the GP.

Qualifying went well and I started in pole position right ahead of max who started p2. I still hadn't talked to him about the night in the Netherlands but I'm gonna be honest I also don't want to.

The lights went out and the race started. I had a great start and could keep my first place ahead of max, who was struggling with the start. On lap 12 max tried to pas me around the outside of the first corner of the chicane but I could block him. Till the second turn came. There wasn't space for two cars and max I didn't had any space because Perez was on the other side of me. Max tried to pas me again but of the lack of space he hit me and I hit him.
We both lost control and crashed straight into the wall.

-"Charles, are you okay?" My en engineer asked me trough the radio.
-"ahhhhhh" I screams "NOOOOOOO" "FUCK! SHIT" I yelled.
The other side of the radio was silent
-"yes, I'm okay" I finally answered with a big sigh.
I officially hated max again. What was he thinking with that move. He just completely steered into me. I removed I steering wheel and got out of the car. I saw the Red Bull car standing next to mine and mex coming out of it.

I toke of my helmet and approached the dutch Red Bull driver.
-"WTF was that?!" I asked a bit agressief.
-"I didn't do anything wrong! You were the one that steered straight into my car" he now also yelled.
-"I didn't had anywhere to go! Perez was also next to me! If you just drover further instead of driving into me it would've been better!"
-"if you didn't drove in the middle of the track Perez never came next to you and you didn't brought us in the wall!"
-"ME!" I couldn't believe that he said it was my fault "you are the one that drove into me"
-"NO I DIDNT OKAY" he stepped closer to me and I saw his hand forming into a fist.
-"YES TOU FUCKING IDOT. YOU DID" now I was as angry as him and I stepped another step closer. We could now almost feel each other's breath.
-"who are YOU calling an idiot here"
Suddenly I felt an immanence pain in my chest and stomach. I groaned loudly. Shit I forgot about the fresh cuts from this morning.

I saw max's face turn from anger to worry.
-"Charles, are you okay?"
-"yes and why do you care"
I said in between groans of pain.
-"you sure? I can help you"
-"max just shut up and don't act like you would even care. Just go away!!"
I yelled again.
Max looked worried but also scared at the same time.

Max was just about to say something when suddenly the Marshall's came to us and asked if we are ok.

-"yes I'm fine but I don't think he is" max pointed out to me.
This fucking asshole.
-"no thans you sir in okay" i smiled at hun.
-"nut we wanna check you too make sure everything is okay"
-"NO, I'm fine you don't need to"
-"but we want to do please come with us"
-"I said no so just leave now!" I said now a bit agressief.

He looked at me in shock but then nodded and left. I groaned another time in pain and I saw max looking at me angry, worried and confused.

-"mate wtf why didn't you say just yes? What is wrong with you"
-"nothing so just GO"
The Dutchman looked at me shocked but understood that arguing wouldn't help at all.

—

When I arrived at my drivers room again, I locked the door and immediately let myself slight down the door. What a shit day. I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from mom.

Mom: hey my son

Charles: hey, I'm sorry I couldn't win...

Mom: it's okay char you don't have to win for me to be my number one

Charles: but I'm just so angry at max he is just such an asshole!

Mom: I saw it but are you okay you didn't seem okay on the tv and max also looked very worried when he looked at you?

Charles: yes mom im okay. Just a bit disappointed and angry that's all...

We talked about my mom and how Arthur's race went. After that I hang up and sat down on my little couch in my drivers room.

Why does everything needs to be so fucking difficult. Racing, my mother, hate and just everything. I can't do it... I just can't. Maybe I just need to give up.

I take my phone out and scroll trough instagram and twitter. Something I really regretted. The whole app was full of haters who hatted me because of the crash. People saying that I don't belong in f1 and that in a bad driver and my personality sucks. It hurts. A lot.

I walked to the little bathroom and again grabbed a new blade. I'm doing this more often then ever, I thought. I took of my race suit till my waist and take of my fire proof. What I'm a doing with my life? Nothing. I cut first a few on my chest till I move on to my stomach. The more I think about it how angrier I get and how deeper I go. Till at one point the blade is almost completely into my skin.

I almost scream the pain out but at the same time it's such a good feeling. A relief of everything. I look down. There is almost nothing that is not covered in blood. I'm sitting in a puddle of blood under me and I'm starting to get dizzy again. But this time not from the heavy breathing but the cuts and the losing of blood. Shit' I whisper to myself as I try to stay calm. I try to stand up but I collapse.

Everything goes black...