without you - max verstappen x charles leclerc

-I will never leave you-

Charles Leclerc

I sat on the couch in my drivers room. I was looking trough some Instagram stories of people and answered some tags. Max was in the bathroom but suddenly the door fall open.

I saw max standing there looking at me with disbelief in his eyes. I don't understand what is happening right now.

-"Charles..." he started but obviously not knowing what to say.
-"I know why your shirt was covered in blood and why you had pain in your chest and stomach after the crash. Why you didn't wanted me to see if it was okay and why you didn't want Pierre to know....

My eyes widen. What how could he know?! I didn't told him it showed him!

I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Everything I did was just stare at him with tears in my eyes. The only I did was mouthing "I'm sorry" to him. No voice came out of my mouth.

-"Charles come on show me. I saw the blood on the bathroom floor and the with blood drained papers in the trash can. And... the blade..." he sat the last part a bit softer. Nearly above a whisper.

He knows, and I can deny it and say that it's not true...but he knows and that is the truth. 
I still say nothing I just stand up and look him in the eye still with tears in my eyes. I see the fear in his eyes as I slowly start to take of my shirt. When it was off I threw it on the floor.

He didn't say anything. He just started at my chest and my stomach. His mouth a bit open from the shock.
I couldn't say anything but just stare at his shocked but also hurt eyes.

-"please max say something" I begged him in tears
-"I'm sorry...why...?"
-"I don't even know. It's just getting to much lately and I can't handle everything. My mom, racing, my team, constantly getting compared to you, the hate I get. I just can't do it anymore. It's a wonder that I'm here."

-"when was the last time you did it?"
-"after the race today..."
I saw max looking away with tears in his eyes.
-"why Charles, you could have could me and I would have come to help you...I promised it"
-"I know...I'm sorry I just- can't anymore"

Max approached me and hugged my tight. I hugged him back not daring to let out a groan because of the pain. It felt amazing to be in his arms. It felt save and warm. Something I never really felt before.

-"do you do it often?" Max asked carefully.
-"everyday. Sometimes even more...."
I could hear max swallow and he grabbed me a bit tighter.
-"I'm never gonna leave you again until you stop doing it" he said with a lot of confidence. It was sweet that he cared about me so much.
-"you don't have to"
-"maybe I don't, but I want to" I could feel him smile against my neck.

We separated and he gave me my shirt and helped me put it on because it hurts a bit.

We drove to his hotel. He insisted on taking me to his hotel because he didn't wanted to leave me alone. I tried to say no but he forced me to come to his.
It was a good feeling that he cared about me.

There was an awkward silence in the car as we were driving to his hotel. I looked out of the window as I could feel the Dutchman's burning gaze on me.

-"can I ask you something?" He said now looking at the road again. I hesitated a bit cause I didn't knew what to expect. Maybe I did but I didn't want to answer the question. But I know that I have to.
-"yeah of course"
-"for how long did you do it. You know- cutting yourself..."

I knew this question would come and I hated it. But on the other hand it was great to finally have someone to talk to. But that it was max was a bit shocking. I still hate him. Or maybe I just think it.  There is this weird feeling in my stomach every time I talk with him. It all started that one night in Italy. I mean he was sweet to me and helped me even when I didn't wanted him to. He does the same right now... maybe he isn't as bad as I thought.

-"It started when I was 19 and my father passed away. After I already lost Jules I couldn't handle losing him too. I  blamed myself for it. I don't even know why. I landed in a depression. I had suicidal thoughts and even did a few attempts. I never told anyone about it. Not even my family." I stoped for a bit cause I had started crying again.

"When I came into f1 it got a bit better and it stoped when I signed the contract with Ferrari. Before my father died I told him I had signed a contract with Ferrari to please him one last time. I was so happy when I finally did. Everything until I started fucking everything up and Ferrari had shit strategies and cars. Then you got successful and I got compared to you the whole time. Nobody seemed to notice how hard I was trying and how bad my mental health got from it. Not even my family noticed...

I started to cut myself again. Until everything got out of control. I did it so much that my body couldn't take it anymore because it was bleeding the whole time. Until at one point I fainted in the car. I told my team that it probably happened because I hadn't drank or eat enough because I wasn't feeling well. They bought it. We told the media that there was a system problem and the brakes didn't work."

I had tears rolling down my face. I didn't dare to look him in his eyes so I kept staring out the window as I suddenly felt somebody taking my hand.

As he grabbed my hand I could feel myself blushing by his touch. I felt my heart beating faster and that weird feeling in my stomach. Wow Charles. You need to calm down or he will hear your heart beating from his seat.

Max didn't say anything. Maybe that was better cause I really couldn't deal with some stupid or supportive answer right now.

They kept holding hands as they drove to max's hotel. This is exactly what I need, just some one listening to what I need to say instead of asking millions of questions.

When we arrived at his hotel and I tried to get out of the car, max pulled me back into the seat and looked at me.

-"please listen to me. I know we didn't had the greatest relationship until now and I'm really sorry for everything u did to you when I was younger or even in formula 1. Im really, really sorry. But please don't listen to these stupid media sites that say that your a bad driver or that you don't belong into f1 because trust me, you are one of the most talented and best drivers I have ever raced against. When we were children and we raced against each other I always was jealous of you and your driving. You were and still are my biggest rival and the best driver I have raced against in my career and you really deserve to be in f1. And please don't cut yourself ever again because it's really bad for you and especially for your body. If you ever feel the need to do it call me or come to me because I'm gonna come and help you. Even tough it's 3am in the morning I don't care. You know why? Because I care about you. I really do. Even when sometimes it doesn't seem so I really do care about you. A lot and I really can't imagine living without you, not seeing you on the track every race weekend, not having these great battles against you or just life without you."

Wow I don't know what to say right now...