You Found Me | Liam Payne |

Chapter 34

* It's been eight months since I've updated this fan fiction so my suggestion is reading the previous 2 chapters before :) *

I toss and turn all around my bed but there is no use in sleeping when my thoughts are eating me alive. I open my dresser and grab that familiar object that helps me in times like these. My mind begins to guide my hand to write these thoughts I'm too afraid to speak. It seems like a lifetime since I've been able to vent out my feelings. The last time I wrote was the night before I left California. Looking at the right hand corner, the page states Day 1,095 Has it been that long?

In all honesty I didn't write much I just dreamt a lot. When I wrote in my journal I wouldn't write everyday. I started off writing Day 1 and if two weeks had passed I would write Day 15 for example. I would make sure to keep track of the days when I would finally reunite with my temporary getaway. If I counted the days since I last wrote it would be 1,225. It's time for a change I'll write the days since I've first arrived here in New York so today would make it

Day 145
I apologize it seems that I almost forgot about you my dear friend. But you never fail to pick me up when I fall to pieces. It's been five months since I've moved to New York. At first I was actually fine. Not the fine that you're familiar with. You know the one where I want someone to actually see me and just tell me everything will be okay ,even though I know in actuality it wont. But I still I would still have this hope that their concern would minimize the causalities of my fear. No this fine is different, I have no weight on my shoulders, I can actually just be fine. I live in a big apartment with my uncle and it's great. You remember that I've always wanted an apartment of my own. Well I got it ...well almost. I know that I will Ricky even told me one day I will. That's right I am able to talk to Ricky more, although our conversations are small. It is the quality over quantity that matters to me. I have a job now I work in a record/music shop. It's actually wonderful, I'm able to work in a building with nothing but music surrounding me. I've also met some amazing people Jake, Eleanor, Perrie, Niall, Zayn, Harry, and...

Liam...his name is Liam Payne

He's gone now though. I won't ever see him again and it's my fault. I did it again I pushed away another person who came too close into my life my chance into seeing the light in reality. This time it was complicated. No matter how cliché it sounds he was different . His narcissistic and rude playful attitude kept me a hostage. Argument over argument, neither of us could stay away from each other. He's helped me more than I've helped him and it's terrible. He's left a marking imprint but where have I left mine? A friendship could have developed, but both of us are childish selfish teenagers wanting more. Well at least he did but how could he? Liam already has someone special in his life yet those four words that escaped his mouth cannot stop replaying in my mind.
"I want you Rose! "
He said it with such passion in his accent, the dark circles under his eyes , hands shaking at his sides. The weight of rejection filling his entire body after my last few words. I've told you before that I hate when people hurt others for no god damn good reason. I'm such a hypocrite I hurt him but for what reason. To save myself from the stress,heartbreak and hope. Hope is a dirty four lettered word. I know it's for the better.
His words will drive me insane but it's not mutual I don't feel the same way. I just have to keep telling myself that. I didn't even know him, he's a singer with a girlfriend who is a model and I'm just a nineteen year old teenager who's from California who used to play guitar. He wanted me but I didn't want him. I wish I could have been friends with him, and we could have talked about life, and then maybe just maybe. When he said he wanted me I could've replied I want you too.

-2 days later-
Day 147
The past few days I have coped with the overbearing reality that I will never again see you. Hear your voice, smell your cologne, watch you laugh make fun of you or feel my heart drop as you call my name. But somehow I know that I will never forget you. Maybe we'll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now, I am chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my hear--