Reprogrammed (Hunter Angst)

Colorful Little Pills in Little Orange Bottles

Before Hunter left, Camila gave him a gift. She'd called it an "iPod" and told him that it could download human songs for him to listen to wherever he wanted. He had initially attempted to refuse the gift, but Mrs. Noceda had insisted, telling him that the tech was pretty old, and if he didn't take it, she'd have to donate it. Begrudgingly, he slipped it, along with a pair of earbuds into his pocket.

The music... helped. When his thoughts became too much, he was able to get his brain to quiet just a little bit with Camila's fancy tech. He loved listening to a wide variety of genres, and he changed the music to suit his mood. His favorite was a band called ABBA.

School was getting increasingly harder. His classes were rigorous, and the other students were still ruthless around him. He had moments, especially those with his friends, where he felt connected to his body, where he felt almost normal. But then he also had moments where his head fogged and his mind felt as though it was desperately trying to rip itself away from reality.

These mood swings were brought on by a variety of different things. His therapist used the term "triggers", whatever that meant. Apparently he got "triggered" by things like the dark, certain physical touches, certain phrases, and things that reminded him of Flapjack.

It wasn't fair. He wanted to be able to remember Flapjack fondly, and to grieve normally. Instead, he was stuck with a sensitive mind that attempted to tear itself apart every time a cardinal flew by.

Now, as he sat waiting for Camila to pick up his prescription after his sixth week of therapy, he felt halfway removed from his body.

"Ready to go?" She asked him, holding out a white paper bag full of medication bottles. Darius was waiting for them in the car, enjoying the various marvels of the human world. Hunter clutched the bag of medicine.

"It should help you feel better. Sometimes, it takes some time for the medication to work, and sometimes you have to try quite a few medications, but hopefully we'll figure out a solution for you, Hunter." His therapist had told him during their session after Hunter had offhandedly expressed his anxieties surrounding taking drugs.

"Please let me know how you feel on the medication, okay?" Mrs. Rose said on his way out.

Three obnoxiously orange pill bottles sat in front of him now, waiting for him to pick one up and open it. One bottle contained Sertraline, for his depression and PTSD, another with Triazolam for sleep, and the third one held Alprazolam, for anxiety and panic attacks.

"Your psychiatrist has recommended that we just start with Triazolam for tonight to see how it makes you feel. When Darius has you back at his place tomorrow, you can take your Sertraline."

She handed him a pill, and he swallowed it dry. The shame of making Camila purchase expensive medication (when he was clearly faking his disorders) dug a deep hole in his brain.

Exhaustion was dogging on his heels an hour later as he sat at the kitchen table trying to finish his homework. Letters blurred around on the page and his brain felt fuzzy. Whatever was in the Benadryl that Mrs. Noceda had given him the week before was nothing compared to whatever he had just taken now. Another ten minutes later, and Camila found the boy sleeping face down, his head mashed into a book. With Vee's help, they carried him up to Luz's empty bed and gently tucked him in.