no one ever tells you how draining it is
how much it hurts when you know it's your fault
everyone always says they'd do anything to help you get better, and maybe that's true. but they don't tell you how much it hurts you to know that you're a medically financial burden. how you're the single reason why your family is in debt. they don't tell you how frustrating it is to be in so much pain and not know how to deal with it because most doctors just gaslight you anyways. they can't see the dizziness or the pain inside your body that leads to pain inside your mind.
you try to reach out for help, to go to the ER because you're throwing up from pain, and you get there and get "answers" but not the ones you need. you're still in pain and your parents are saying "are you sure?" "i'll take you if you need it" "you should have told me earlier so i could take you to urgent care and not the ER because that's probably gonna cost you 10,000 dollars and you can't risk spending more.
so you stay home.
you stay home and silently cry in your room because it's your fault.
they say they love you, and they do, but you're the reason they scrape by every single month. you're why . it's you.
YOU ARE READING
chronic illness behind the scenes
Randoma little story blurb i just wrote because it's my daily life and i needed something to do until the pain goes away remember, this is just how i feel, but it's not my fault, and if this resonates with you, it's not your fault either. i love you all.
