17 DAYS TO GO | KWON SOONYOUNG

2

Hana

No matter how many times I revisited the time period when Mrs. Na, our homeroom teacher announced the news about Soonyoung...I was still in disbelief.

I feared looking across my window where I would probably see multiple cars being lined up infront of his house. The weight of reality was settled heavily on my shoulders. The only thing that I did was curl up under the sheets, trying to sleep away the pain.

As I keep recalling his smiling face and his laughter, my energy and strength to carry on plummets further. I never knew him personally, just a schoolmate he was but I didn't know why I was in so much melancholy. Maybe because if I had run across the street and held him close...maybe I could've prevented everything.

I once again realised the enormity of the situation when I remembered that his funeral was being held tomorrow, in the evening. The school had declared a holiday, for us to observe a day of reverence and solitude to him. I couldn't do much but I atleast needed to pay my last respects to him and that's what had me rummaging through my closet, trying to find a proper clothing.

It wasn't that difficult as my wardrobe was filled with black, dark clothes. I wore them in order to not stand out much and blend in with the crowd. I never wanted to use my clothes for such an occasion though.

Feeling consumed by the relentless thoughts of someone can be an incredibly overwhelming experience. No matter how hard we try to escape, their presence seems to linger in our minds. In a desperate attempt to find closure or perhaps to find solace in the truth, I found myself embarking on a bold and daring act - watching his house.

I may sound like a stalker but it was the first time I had noticed all the lights of the house being turned on. Nestled in a well-off vicinity, stood a house that mirrored my own, a two-storey apartment that exuded a sense of grandeur.

His parents were not only wealthy, but they were also highly esteemed in their respective fields as doctors and lawyers. The lineage of his family was steeped in wealth and prestige, tracing back through generations of ancestral affluence.

On the other hand my Mom had worked hard to shift us from a one bedroom apartment to this well-heeled house. Despite being a single mother, she tried her level best to never let me feel the absence of a fatherly figure. Though it was sad as she failed miserably, trying to chase after her work she had forgotten I even existed.

A loud bolt of thunder snapped me back into reality. It soon started to pour down heavily. The door of my room suddenly burst open, there stood my mom. She was drenched in rain and her face was filled with horror.

"Judging by your expression, you've heard the news" I plopped down on my bed, my voice devoid of emotions. I was tired of feeling anguished and I thought my eyes dried up, with no tears left to cry but I was wrong.. totally wrong.

The comfort of my mother's embrace broke me down completely. Though she was wet and felt cold, she felt warm. "Why would he do that, Mom?" Her hands smoothed my locks, trying to calm me down but it wasn't helping much.

A part of me despised my own self for not reaching out to help him yesterday. While their voices clashed, words and hateful sentences were flung like fiery arrows, chaos had deemed upon their house. Admist all of it, I had made the decision to remain unaffected and choose tranquility over turmoil.

Maybe if I had bolted across the street and simply asked him if he was alright, I could've saved him but I had chosen my own peace over his struggles. The remorse in me grew deeper and deeper as the night progressed.

All the what ifs that circled around my head had made me miss him more. Though we weren't close, a dread forms when you know you won't be able to see that person ever again. Kwon Soonyoung won't be seen anymore...